We (the nursing home directors) decided to have a blood drive. So yesterday around noon, the blood drive bus, er, more like an RV, pulled up to take some blood. I wasn't sure how many donors they would get at a nursing home, considering most of the residents there don't even have enough blood of their own some days...but nonetheless the blood drive went on as planned.
I, being a Type O, the universal donor, decided to donate. My reasons for donating were two-fold: one selfish (I wanted to get paid to lay down for awhile) and because I am the universal donor and there is always a shortage of blood.
I wasn't too thrilled about donating since I really hate needles. I've given blood before, I've witnessed (from less than 5 feet) a knee replacement surgery, a leg amputation, and a spinal fusion, and yet I hate needles. Mainly needles protruding from my own body.
So I walked on to the bus 'o needles with mixed emotions. It wasn't so bad, I just turned my head away the whole time, and explained to the vampire...er, nurse that I wasn't ignoring him, I just didn't like the process.
In less than 20 minutes, it was finished. They pulled the needle from me and said "okay, you're done."
So I hopped off the mat, walked to the front of the bus, grabbed my free snack, and as I was about to step off the bus I thought, "I don't feel so good." but being the stubborn person I can be, I pressed on. I pressed on a total of 3 feet before everything started to go black and I started seeing stars. Survival started to kick in, I realized I couldn't pass out on the sidewalk in front of the old folks home, there's too many be-hinds to wipe to notice a PT in pink scrubs passed out on the front walk! So I crawled over to the bus steps, opened the door, and in my most pathetic whiny voice said "Excuse me". I collapsed off the steps and onto the sidewalk. The nurse-guy ran out, and instructed me to keep breathing in and out. Couldn't he tell how hard it was to breathe at that point? They then laid me down on the grass and both nurses who rushed out to "save me" sounded very far away. I then heard them say "We are going to carry you inside" and all I could think was "There's no way you can carry all 13- pounds of me!" And yet they did. Up the steps, into the bus, and onto the elevated bench, where they proceeded to pack me with ice packs like I was a freshwater salmon headed for someone's plate at Legal Seafood.
20 minutes, one coke, 50 ankle pumps, and a dozen ice packs later, I was sitting up and feeling much better. Apparently at that point "my color had returned"... I'm at my early December white-on-white, how do I lose color I don't have? Apparently it is possible.
Hours later, when I was able to give the incident some good 'ole fashioned contemplation, I wondered why in the world did they let me up from that mat? Moral of the story, don't try to re-enact "While You Were Sleeping", if you're going to give blood, sit up for a good 10 minutes before standing. That way, you get to miss more work, without the humiliation of becoming the nursing home gossip of the day.
4 comments:
I'm rolling on the floor, not from passing out, but from laughing!!! Are you gonna hit the next blood drive (which IS a VERY worthy cause, BTW)?
Hope you've recovered enough to return to your work today...where you ARE needed. Remember it's to Glorify the Lord!!
Here's to a much better day!
Our city council recognized a lady last night at our meeting that has donated 25 GALLONS of blood over the last 17 years. Can you imagine?? That's a lot of passing out Em!
emily. you wordsmith you. this is hilarious. i am done making fun of people who pass out when they have blood taken.... done i tell you. you've cured me. thank you doctor.
you haven't lived if you haven't become nursing home gossip at least once, I always say.
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