I recently read "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. I'm a pretty big fan of Lewis, mainly from his fictional work of the Chronicles of Narnia series. To summarize the Four Loves would be difficult, but I wanted to share some poignant statements from the book. Just so we are all on the same page, Lewis is defining these four loves: 1. Affection 2. Friendship 3. Eros {i.e. being "in love"} 4. Charity {Think, "but the greatest of these is love (charity)"}.
I'm going to share some of my favorite thoughts from each chapter. Note, read the book yourself, then re-read it again, because it can get heavy, but these are just my pickings and choosings from the book itself.
Introduction: (on Need-love, love that "sends a lonely or frightened child in its mother's arms" )
" Secondly, we must be cautious about calling Need-love "mere-selfishness". Mere is a dangerous word. No doubt Need-love, like all our impulses, can be selfishly indulged. A tyrannous and gluttonous demand for affection can be a horrible thing. But in ordinary life no one calls a child selfish because it turns for comfort to its mother; nor an adult who turns to his fellow "for company". Those, whether children or adults, who do so least are not usually the most selfless. Where Need-love is felt there may be reasons for denying or totally mortifying it; but not to feel it is in general the mark of a cold egoist. Since we do in reality need one another ("it is not good for man to be alone"), then the failure of this need to appear as Need-love in consciousness -- in other words the illusory feeling that it is good for us to be alone -- is a bad spiritual symptom."
On Patriotism: *I loved this being a Texas Tech fan and alumna long before they were ranked #2 and for having a small piece of my heart love Lubbock, TX, a place that people love to make fun of, this statement rang true for me*
" No man, " said one of the Greeks, "loves his city because it is great, but because it is his."
Affection: (this statement comes from a section about affection for our pets) "Those who say: 'The more I see of men the better I like dogs' --those who find in animals relief from the demands of human companionship -- will be well advised to examine their real reasons. "
On Friendship: "The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
"Nothing so enriches an erotic love as the discovery that the Beloved can deeply, truly, and spontaneously enter into Friendship with the Friends you already had."
"Frienship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create.) It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."
On Eros (being in love): Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman."
"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church --read on -- and give his life for her (Ephesians v.25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him.
On Charity: "the natural loves are not self-sufficient. Something else, at first vaguely described as "decency and common sense," but later revealed as goodness, and finally as the whole Christian life in one particular relation, must come to the help of the mere feeling if the feeling is to be kept sweet."
"St. Augustine describes the desolation into which the death of his friend Nebridius plunged him..he says, of giving one's heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away.... {Lewis:}Even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. Christ comes at last to say "Why hast thou forsaken me?" ... There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglement; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket --safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." *emphasis mine*
Overall, a really good book. Be prepared to read it multiple times to get the full effect, so to speak. I plan to heed Lewis' words, and like the song says, "Hide it under a bush? OH no! I'm gonna let it shine"
5 comments:
I find one interprets literature or life through the prism of the his or her's individual beliefs and desires.
It is interesting how you did not mention the distraction of Eros or Paul's disdain for marriage as a distraction from God as C.S. Lewis mentions in the book.
C.S. Lewis seems to come to the conclusion that friendship, Gift Love, and Charity are by far the most important.
He speaks of his natural disdain for Need-Love but gives it its due in certain situations.
I find his analogy of the mother who "loved" her family to unhappiness and guilt as a good analogy.
In summary, C.S. Lewis emphasizes the Love of God above all with the hope that through His love that you establish friendship, eros, and most of Charity.
Great Book! all should read and all will have different interpretations. :)
Anon,
I completely agree with your statement that we all have glasses, of some color, in which we interpret life. That's what makes this world so fun to live in.
I did not mention paul's disdain for marriage, because, one, marriage is a Holy union ordained by God to be a reflection of Christ's love for the church, therefore I am "pro" marriage, and Lewis used Paul's disdain for marriage to illuminate the fact that marital distractions, not the marriage bed, will be the greater temptation, not to say Marriage itself is evil and should be avoided.
If you'll look back to page 48 of the four loves, you'll see that the example you noted of the mother who "loved" her family to unhappiness, was actually Lewis' example of GIFT LOVE, not Need-love "Gone wrong". "Affection as a gift love has its perversions too" is what he says.
While I agree that this is a great book and a good read, we all should put every book against the truth of the Word of God to see if it stands with or against what God has spoken.
"And the greatest of these is love." 1 corinthians 13:13
PS: that was me that wrote the deleted comment above, I had mis-typed something and had to fix it. no drama. :)
I do believe you are still a great debater!! You make ME think!! Of course, I'm a wee bit biased, though I HOPE I do not fall into the category of the 'mother who loved her family to unhappiness', rather that I have loved you all to experience happiness in whatever situation God has placed you!
I find it great that you used Paul's writing at the end. Why do you think there is no marriage in heaven? Isn't Severe Mercy about someone sacrificing the eros of this life for the hope of salvation for her lover. Was Sheldon romantic and faithful or should he have married and loved again? Did the loss of Davy help his faith or hurt it? Isn't the Severe Mercy what we are talking about? Choosing God over earthly Eros. The true love that is everlasting. The true meaning of life. We all agree if you make eros an addition to your Life in and for God, then by all means, but if there is a choice then it seems to be very easy to me.
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