For years I thought it would just happen. It has happened to so many people I know. It seems so easy in the movies. *poof* it just happens. You meet someone, you get a feeling about them, and before you know it, you're sharing a cup of coffee with them for as long as you both shall live.
The thing is, I testify today, it hasn't been easy. I'm 26 years old and I've never been in love. or close to love. As a single, Christian female, I feel like I've got to pretend that I'm happy being single, but I'm not. I don't want to be single. I want to share my life, every minute with someone. I want to experience everything there is to experience with someone. More importantly, I want someone to want to share their life with me. And yet no matter how I pray, what I pray for, how much I wish, hope, daydream about, say something, say nothing, feel sorry for myself, not feel sorry for myself... the list goes on, I haven't done anything to make it happen. And apparently there's nothing I can do. I'm old fashioned. I don't want to meet someone on the internet, I don't want to be the initiator, I want to be pursued.
I know my attitude isn't glorifying to God. I don't pretend it is. There's no point to these ramblings. Just me putting my frustrations and unhappiness into cyberspace.
3 comments:
You are wrong. Your attitude IS glorifying God. He made you, a woman, to desire exactly what you just wrote. You are supposed to want to be pursued. You are supposed to want to be in love and share your life with someone. You are just doing and feeling exactly how God designed women to feel. I am certain that God will make it worth your while if you stick with him... don't settle for some yankee dork!!! ha ha. Plenty of Texas gentleman waiting here for you if you ever come on back. We miss you.
I agree with Sowlee Em, I don't think it's a bad thing to not want to be single. In fact, the preacher at our church (one Matt Chandler) talks about how crazy it is that single christian girls feel like they have to be happy with being single... I think there's a difference between fighting for contentment with where God has you now, and desiring something that God has wired you for (that cah-razy love thang). So, all that to say, I think it's ok, and I think you are glorifying God too. And I'm praying, like always, for you, esp. your heart. And I'm sorry we keep playing phone tag, agh!
...and your momma cried on reading this...cause she knows your heart IS glorifying God!! Here's a BIG HUG!! Mom
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