Anytime, Anywhere

We are all temporary

2010-12-27T22:40:00.003-06:00

In the spring of 2001 I went on a mission trip to L.A.

24 hours on a bus, one way. One of the couples on the trip was Eric and Brie Gomez. They were newly married, and were very much in love. I didn't spend a whole lot of time getting to know them, but in just a few minutes of speaking with Brie, especially, you knew she had a very sweet spirit and loved the Lord ferociously.

Brie passed away early today, leaving behind a 6 year old, a 22-month-old, and a baby boy that was delivered in an emergency C-section at 30 weeks. I didn't know Brie and Eric beyond my year spent at FBC Lubbock, but my heart is heavy today with her loss.

A mutual friend remarked that while this is was a shock to all, this was not a shock to God. And no matter what life is like on earth, nothing compares to being present with the Lord. This loss is another reminder that none of us are guaranteed a long life.

How lovely is

Your dwelling place

Oh Lord Almighty,

For my soul longs

And even faints

For You

Oh, here my heart

Is satisfied (is satisfied)

Within Your presence

I sing beneath

The shadow of

Your wings

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

(Than thousands elsewhere)

One thing I ask,

And I would seek,

To see Your beauty

To find You in

The place Your glory dwells

(One thing I ask)

One thing I ask

And I would seek,

To see Your beauty

To find You in

The place Your glory dwells

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

(Better is one day)

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than thousands elsewhere

(My heart and flesh cry out)

My heart and flesh cry out

To You, the Living God

Your Spirit's water to my soul

I've tasted, and I've seen

Come once again to me

I will draw near to You

To You

morning Glory to God

2010-11-27T22:06:00.003-06:00

Tonight, we had a roommate dinner and went to see "Morning Glory". We did it minus one roommate, who is out of town, and said roommate does not like to watch movies in the theater. I think this stems from the fact that she believes watching movies, when you can't do something else at the same time, is in fact a waste of time. No judgement here, but the rest of us in the house do enjoy a brief respite from reality.

In tonight's feature, we saw a young woman achieve her dreams (dream job, dream man) by merely staying positive, working tirelessly, and never giving up, all in one hour, 42 minutes. Great huh? She even managed to look prettier as time went on and her work stress increased. Incredible. What a role model for us young women out there. She's 28. I'm 28. According to this movie, if I give my heart and soul to my job, show up early, leave late, I will find great satisfaction in my job, and most likely will meet a great guy, who just happens to be rich, handsome, and pursues me before he even knows more than my name. Perfect.

Can you taste my sarcasm through your computer screen? Don't get me wrong, it was a cute movie, no regrets about spending $10. A nice escape from reality. BUT, it is merely an escape, not reality. You cannot always find satisfaction in your job by working tirelessly. Actually, I've found, in the short 3 years I've been a professional, that being the first one at work, and the last to leave, actually decreases my job satisfaction. And if you look for a great guy, you may not find one. And if you don't look for a great guy, you may not find one. And if you oscillate between looking and not looking, you may not find one. And no matter how much your mom prays, you may not find one... Alas, your reality may be working with people you don't like, in a job that doesn't pay what you want, and the only person you share your bed with is a cat. (Not that I know anything about this) However, if this is your life, then God says we should glorify Him in it. (1 Cor. 10:31) I guess there's just not room in Hollywood tales for glorifying God.

Overstuffed Suitcases and Dominoes

2010-10-30T08:57:00.004-05:00

The good thing about being a poor suitcase packer is that you have plenty of experience to draw from when the airline checking attendant informs you that your suitcase weighs too much..."Three pounds? That's it?" Once, when ending an 8-week stay in PA, I was 12-lbs over and was forced to carry around multiple pairs of shoes in a laundry bag in the Philly airport before I boarded. Not my finest hour I'll admit, but I didn't have to pay the required $50 for overweight baggage. So three pounds is nothing. I knew exactly what to go for: shoes and books.

Yesterday afternoon I met up with my good friend Barbara, who befriended my parents through the Officers Christian Fellowship when we were living in Connecticut in the early 80's. Real early 80's. Like, before I was born 80's. Barbara is an independent, well-traveled, 70-something-yr-old mother and grandmother, who has never met a stranger. We took an hour+ long hike through the woods where I saw the Pennsylvania forests in their last minutes of changing. The trees were looking forward to being dormant for awhile. They told me.

We had dinner at her condo: Barbara, myself, and Andre, her downstairs neighbor. Barbara and Andre are quite a pair. When Barbara first told me she had invited her downstairs neighbor for dinner I imagined an older man, probably in his 50s or 60s, who was quiet, a bit of a homebody, and a diligent worker who was looking forward to retiring in Florida. Couldn't have been more wrong.

Andre is a 36-yr-old single, college-educated, African-American, former male model who appears to be anything but a homebody. Barbara treated him like a long-lost-son, listening diligently to him share his frustrations regarding his parents and dating, and offering sage advice when appropriate. In return, Andre teased her about: being a "cougar", her hearing, and him being able to hear her get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. The three of us played Mexican Train dominoes until about 1am. It was a strange juxtaposition of backgrounds, finding fellowship over a game of dominoes. I loved it.

I'm now awaiting my flight back to Austin, with a layover in Tampa, carrying my bag full of books, and of course, a pair of shoes.

Vacay

2010-10-26T20:29:00.005-05:00

I'm on vacation this week. Where does one go on vacation, with limited funds, at the end of October, alone? Idk. But I traveled to see my aunt and uncle in PA.

Today's highs:

Catching up with old friends. Today I drove about 20 miles to see the couple who used to babysit myself and my siblings after school, and before school, and my brother all day. They are very salt of the earth type of people. I don't really know what "salt of the earth" means, but the title seems to fit them. They have worked hard every day of their lives. And their days are probably longer than most. mine for sure. They raise chickens, and rabbits and they grow all sorts of produce and sell it at a roadside stand of sorts. When I pulled up, Mrs. K. didn't recognize me. She was behind the shed, and she heard the phone ringing, so she came running, in her rubber work boots, waders, and puffy vest, in the awkward sort of run that only a 72-yr-old farmer lady can do. I said, "Mrs. K.! It's me! Emily!" and her eyes got big and she opened her arms to give me a hug, and I did the same, and at the same moment we both recognized that a hug wasn't a possiblity... I had caught her and her husband in the middle of butchering chickens and she was covered in chicken blood and guts. Now, butchering chickens was always a fascinating process for my brother and I to watch as kids. Maybe that's why we don't get grossed out at stuff like that, because we were introduced to it at a young age. So I stood on a small rock, giving the nearby tree a side hug, as I watched them process the chickens from live animal to ready-to-eat. It wasn't gross, because this was their livelihood. And it felt so familiar, watching the routine I had seen so many times before. After the last chicken was finished, I watched them strip the messy, gory waders and vests off, like kids who had been playing in the snow and were now ready to go inside, but didn't want to track the wet snow in with them. We wandered inside only to find that the lemon-lime linoleum in their kitchen looked exactly the same as it had 20 years ago. And that was comforting.

I also ran into a family friend who has kept up periodically with my family through the last 20 years. And she gave me some really good advice. Essentially, she said that everyone has to learn at some point how to stand alone with only God as your support. Some people, like herself, learn this the hard way after their spouse passes away at too early an age. Other people, like myself, learn this as they wander through their 20s being single. The latter is definitely the easier way, and I should be grateful to God that He continues to allow me to learn how to lean on Him exclusively. She also said that for God, connecting two people is easy for Him (I mean, duh, He created the Universe and all that is in it!), so I shouldn't worry about it. Good words.

Today's lows:

I realized today that my camera and iPod are missing from my suitcase. And its been in my possession the whole time, except when I checked my bag in Austin, and picked it up in Philly. And the airlines "is not responsible for electronic items". too bad. Its just stuff, I realize this, but at some point, I paid for these things, (or in the case of the iPod, my parents did for my birthday), and being the stickler of finances that I am, its a hard pill to swallow.

RIP Rudolph "Rudy" Valentino. (My aunt and uncle's dog that bit me on my second day here.) Don't worry, I wasn't the sole reason for him being put down. The scars of previous bites were evidence of that.

________________________________________________________

On Sunday at church, I was asked by a very nice lady if I was of "voting age". That's 18 for those who aren't up to date on their 26th Amendment...

Jealousy

2010-10-07T14:21:00.002-05:00

"There's a truth you can't deny, a fact as sure as fate. There are things that can't be hurried, and things that just can't wait."

This verse was scripted at the bottom of a painting that hung in our bathroom growing up. It showed a little kid, bored, sitting on the toilet, and on the other side of the door, you saw a kid doing the potty dance. It was the 80's. It worked for our family.

There are some other truths out there you can't deny either. I was reminded of this the other day when out with some friends and ran into an acQUAINTance. She's tin-y. Like, her leg is the size of my arm. And she comes up to just above my shoulder. And she's very pretty. And she could wear a paper bag and still look nice. But, when I talk to her, I feel like I'm talking to a 12 yr old. She's nice, but just kind of lacking. I can't quite put my finger on it.. something.. However, the truth of the matter is, the truth I can't deny, is that she will always attract the attention and pursuit of a guy first because, a) she is so tiny (i.e. feminine), b) pretty, and c) has mastered the oh-so-powerful art of flirting. And no matter what size I am, I will always look like a horse in comparison to her (no need for an intervention, I know what size I am really, but relatively speaking), and I will never master the art of flirting, because I like to be genuine, and I don't feel genuine if I feel I must give false-flattery in order for a guy to feel good.

In reality though, I'm just jealous of how tiny she is, how pretty she is, and how easily she catches the eye of all gentlemen in the near vicinity.

And jealousy is not pretty. That's a fact.

Neighborhood pests

2010-10-05T22:37:00.005-05:00

Dear Mosquitoes,

Find some tree bark, land on it, and get yourself covered in some sap, so you can sit on said tree and be discovered millions of years later, with the story turned into a made-for-tv Lifetime movie about the vast amounts of blood you drained out of me while I peacefully sat on the front porch trying to read.

Your local universal donor

2010-09-25T20:50:00.007-05:00

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. or jane in this case.

In just a little over 2 weeks I'll be celebrating my one year anniversary at my job. In those 12 months I've had no increase in pay, I've been given more responsibility, and I can honestly say I enjoy my job more today than I did my first month there. Pretty great huh? That doesn't mean I don't need to take a vacation from my great job every now and then. In the next month, I'll be traveling to an unlikely vacation destination. Central Pennsylvania!

I'm hoping to catch the peak, or perhaps just past the peak, of the fall foliage in Pennsylvania. Fall foliage + a week away from the job, typical routine, stress = a good vacation. Plus, I'll get to see two of my favorite people on the east coast: my Aunt Kathie and Uncle Steve a.k.a. my east coast parents. :)

I plan to not do much for that week, except read, take pics of fall foliage, visit old friends, and explore some sweet small towns.

Speaking of work:

A confused Croatian man told me the other day I look like a young Nancy Reagan.

A very upset patient told me the other day "You are SO annoying me right now!"

Last week, I encountered a grumpy old man. He was recovering from an abdominal surgery and wasn't doing much moving. In the middle of our first session, as he was walking backwards (his choice) to his chair (a whole 5 feet), he said, "whaddya do that for, dingbat?" I wasn't in the mood, so I replied, "Are you talking to yourself again? Why'd you call yourself a dingbat?" He said "I called YOU a dingbat for moving that chair backwards." I am not above moving a chair so a patient will have to walk farther, however I always tell the patient what I'm doing. The man accused me of lying and called me a dingbat again. 5 minutes later, after a firm talking to, with me laying out the ground-rules for physical therapy (i.e. no name calling, no lying, etc...) I got three apologies from him and from then on we've gotten along great. except for his annoying "high tech nursery rhymes" he insists on telling me... don't ask...

________________________________________________________

I can't write a blog post without honorable mention to my friends Erin and Chris who are planning their upcoming nuptials. They've been dating for over five years and it's been wonderful to see their relationship mature to this point.

2010-08-09T20:57:00.002-05:00

My car holds 15 gallons of gas. I filled it up on Sunday. Took 14.6 gallons. oopsies. kind of a close one.

You know that song, "Half of My Heart" by John Mayer. "Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that I can't keep lovin' you, with half of my heart". Interesting how even a John Mayer, who I am assuming doesn't have a relationship with God, realizes you can't love something with just half of your heart. i.e. you can't serve two masters (Matthew 6:24), for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other.

Watched "He's just not that into you", again.. Really, it should be a rule that single women should watch this movie quarterly. That, and there should also be a rule that you can't email a guy at night. seriously. You say things you would never say, its almost as bad as drunk dialing.. never done this, but I can only imagine.

The Year of the Reunion

2010-08-03T21:20:00.002-05:00

Not the year of the dog. Nope. Not the year of the rat. This is the year of the reunion. I've already been to one. and we KNOW what an exciting time that was. Not to mention hot. Next up is the ten year high school reunion.

I could easily spend the next 500 words outlining how much I've changed in 10 years, or how some things in life will always feel like high school. But who wants to read about that? Lets talk about the main issue: I took an unofficial poll and 44 of the 54 "confirmed" coming to the reunion are married or in a serious relationship. (Thank you facebook for facilitating internet stalking.) That's nearly 82%. I don't even have a date, and already 82% are showing up in a committed relationship.
In West Texas, most people get married in early 20's -ish. The rest of the people get married by mid-twenties. To be late 20's (28) and not married always feels like a bit of an oddity in Lubbock. There's even a "family picnic" the day of the reunion for those people who have gone above and beyond in the last ten years and knocked out a kid or two.

So why even think about going? Well, I remember my mom going to her high school reunions and really enjoying them. And I like people, and catching up. And having another excuse to visit the Arney's in Lubbock is always nice. But are those reasons worth showing up to a high school reunion, catching up with the people that I spent 4 of my most awkward years with, only to feel more awkward because I'm alone???

And the two people who I spent the most time with my last two years in high school, who I'd want to see the most, likely won't be there. *cough Ellen and Melissa* Where is Melissa Whalen these days??? Bueler? Bueler?

Any advice? To go, or not to go?

2010-07-15T19:15:00.005-05:00

It's the age old question really. "What are the ingredients for a life-changing, memory-making, never-to-be-topped-again-road trip?" I have no clue. I just know this road trip was NOT one of those...
The Elkin Family Reunion exists for 3 people: My grandmother, Billie, and her sisters Jean and Betty. The rest of us are just supporting family members who show up because we know its important to the Elkin sisters. I can't tell you how long it has taken place in Forrest City, AR, but the only reason we meet there is because its about halfway between Houston, TX where 2 of the sisters live(d), and Muncy, IN where my Great Aunt Jean lives.
In past years I've had legitimate excuses for skipping the family reunion: I was in school, I lived in Boston (too far), but this year was different, I had no such excuse. So back in April I promised my grandmother I'd be there, no matter what. I made this promise without investigating how one gets to Forrest City. Not easy is the answer. You can either drive 9 hours from Austin, or you can fly into either Little Rock and drive 1.5hrs or fly into Memphis (yes, Tennessee) and drive 45 minutes. Flying was too expensive, since I waited until 3 weeks before the reunion to check out flights. Fortunately, at the last minute, my sister Sara decided that the sacrifice was worth it and she'd drive with me to AR.

We left at 3pm on Friday and drove straight through to Forrest City, arriving at about 1am. Unfortunately, there was no Rosa's along the way to stop at, so we had to choose Wendy's instead in Greenville, TX. We could have stopped at "TaMolly's" in Greenville. Yes. You read that correctly. There is an actual "Mexican" restaurant named "TaMolly's." Original? Yes. Classy? No.

As anyone would be, myself, my sister, and my 12yr old niece were exhausted when we arrived (my niece more than anyone because she talked most of the last hour of the trip. Apparently she "loves" every song on the "new music/hip hop" station and could we please turn it up...) so I texted my aunt when we got there to let her know we had arrived safely and we would be getting up at about 9am to get ready. I PURPOSEFULLY did this knowing, that if I didn't, my aunt or my grandmother would be calling as soon as they got up, i.e. 630am to see if we were alive. "How clever of me!" I thought. I was one step ahead! My aunt would get the text, she would tell my grandmother in the morning and I would sleep peacefully until at least 9am, thereby getting all 8 hours of sleep that my heart desires. The best laid plans of mice and men... My wonderful, loving, caring, thoughtful grandmother called at 745am. I, being the equally loving, caring, thoughtful granddaughter (in my eyes at least), got up, turned the phone off, and promptly fell back asleep. Who calls at 745am on a SATURDAY???

(This story is getting longgggg)

Ok, so our reunion consisted of all 20 of us sitting in an unairconditioned pavilion with 2 small oscillating fans at a state park. Did I mention its June, in Arkansas, with no airconditioning?? We arrived, I struggled to remember both third cousins names, and within 5 minutes of arriving my 4th cousin (yeah, that took me awhile to figure that out) Morgan, who's five, asked me if she could be my friend. That was pretty much the highlight of the 6 hours we spent in the UNAIRCONDITIONED pavilion. After about 2 hours of small talk and catching up, we ate grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. Then after lunch, half way through the 6 hours in the UNAIRCONDITIONED pavilion, my Aunt Betty asked, "Well, what do we want to do for next year's reunion?" hmmm, maybe find a place that is air conditioned?

After 6 HOURS in the UNAIRCONDITIONED pavilion, we decided we had all sweated enough for one reunion and decided to wrap it up. We drove back into the hopping metropolis of Forrest City, cleaned up, and met back up at the Ole Saw Mill Cafe. Doesn't get much better than that.

30 hours after arriving, my sister, my niece and I packed up for the 9hr drive back to Texas. My aunt, uncle and grandparents were planning on leaving at 8am, so when the girls and I meandered down to my grandparents room to say goodbye, we thought they'd be up, dressed, and waiting to leave.... Oh. Boy. Couldn't be more wrong. I can't remember ever seeing my grandparents in their skivvies. And yet, that's exactly what I was greeted with when we knocked on the door. An awesome ending to a classic family reunion...

oh my. its been so long.

2010-07-06T22:19:00.003-05:00

This post is for all those moms out there who live in West Texas with three small children and derive a good portion of their entertainment living vicariously through the hilarious escapades outlined on this blog.... FACT! This post is for Sal. FACT: this post may not be all that entertaining. FACT: There will be a post coming soon detailing the hilarious, and yet true, ongoings at my family reunion in Arkansas 2 weeks ago.

Just for clarification, my family that reunioned is not from Arkansas. Forrest City, AR just HAPPENS to be the half-way point between Houston, Texas and Muncy, Indiana. I'll explain later. However, the other side of my family is from Arkansas, and no, none of my cousins married.

Today was my day off and this is what I did:
slept until 10am
ate breakfast
showered
Had an hour long meeting with a dietician about how to eat healthier and make good food choices... very informative!
Ate lunch (a very healthy one in light of my recent meeting)
Cleaned for 2.5 hours! Including scrubbing the dirty, mildewy shower. eww, eww, eww. When I grow up, I'm going to have a clawfoot tub that does not have tile surrounding it that I have to scrub all the time.
Went to a workout class at the gym and realized I shouldn't have skipped the gym in the last month.
Went to my community group where we had a great and honest discussion about sin, grace, and fruits of the Spirit.

And that's my day.

My dad is coming in 2 days and I am very excited to see him. I love greeting people at the airport that I haven't seen in awhile. The anticipation is wonderful and exciting. Of course, the flip side is that usually if you pick someone up from the airport, you have to drop them off eventually... But, we shan't think of that today.

Okay, so sorry for the long absence. I've been working a lot and have been gone a lot to not exciting places like Forrest City, AR.
Hold on though, there's more coming at you soon!

Just sayin'

2010-06-12T23:00:00.003-05:00

You know how looking at your friend's fun vacation pics makes you want to go on a vacation as well?
Or your sister tells you about how they just re-painted their kitchen and you think "I could do that too!"
Or you hang out with a really fun married couple and it makes you want to get married and be that fun married couple?

I'm just sayin'

I want to go to South Africa... And not even for this reason.

2010-05-09T20:55:00.001-05:00

Bring on the pain

2010-04-26T22:39:00.001-05:00

I work with a lot of patients who are in pain. It seems like a majority of them have very low thresholds of pain, which makes everything more difficult. I try my best to be sympathetic, but at times this proves to be a challenge.
Recently, I've been praying that if I have any type of injury (I also pray I won't) but if I do, that I would have a high tolerance for pain.

Be careful what you pray for.

A week and a day ago, I was on a walk with friends, and was trying to imitate my friend who
was doing this VERY complicated jump that she did in 8th grade basketball. I tried, failed, and landed on my left foot, twisting my ankle as I landed in a puddle of water. Awesome.

No worries. I walk/run/dance it off, and the next day I start listening to my inner PT by resting it, and icing it after work. Fast forward seven days and I'm about ready to start running again. Until today, when I accidentally dropped a part of a lamp that weighs about 5lb. directly on my big toe. Of the right foot. In flip-flops. "Lord Jesus what did I pray for?!?" was all I could think as I stood there paralyzed by the throbbing pain in my foot. Awesomer.
In addition to that, I have a burn on my wrist about the size of a nickle, where I was trying to grill some chicken, and came a little too close to grill.

God is definitely testing my pain threshold. Either that, or I'm just the clumsiest PT ever. Not a good combination (clumsy + PT) seeing as I always tell my patients "my number one goal is for you to be SAFE and independent as possible."

Hmmm...i think I'll be the kettle this time.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

For My Love

2010-04-18T20:56:00.001-05:00

For My Love
It's deeply rooted in every woman- the question, "Do I stand out in a crowd?" The vision of someone walking across a room and asking me to dance plays over and over in my mind; out of the whole room, I was chosen. I'll be honest, I'm fifteen... I have crushes... but more than whimsical feelings and fickle emotion, I really do want to be fought for. I long to be recklessly pursued. I'm looking for true love, something honest and untainted, with no hidden agenda but that it wants to chase after me.

I love Psalm 45: "Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty." That's it! That's what every chick flick revolves around, that's what every romance novel is written about, those are the exact words that made me want to be a princess when I was younger.

The sad reality is, though, that women often aren't validated and reassured that they're worth that kind of affection. It scars us in the deepest places and causes us to cover our mouths when we smile and hide who we truly are. But, that's what I love about Jesus-he's a husband to the widow, the freer of a captive heart. -Bethany Dillon-

I posted this about a year and a half ago, and this message that she wrote is even older than that, but the trueness of it hasn't changed. And tonight, the reminder is welcomed.

I will always love....

2010-04-07T18:27:00.003-05:00

random Youtube videos...Scroll forward to about 1 minute in.

Resurrection Day

2010-04-03T22:24:00.011-05:00

Who doesn't love an acrostic? [Define: Acrostic=> a short poem in which the initial letters of the lines, taken in order, spell out a word phrase.]

Redeemer
Eternal Life

Savior

Undeniable
Root of David
Rabbi

Enduring
Creator
Truth

Immanuel
Omega

None Can Compare

Or my other personal favorite: the haiku. [Define: Haiku => Japanese verse form of three lines.]

He gave up His life

And on this day He rose again

so that we may live.

It doesn't matter what form it's in, the Truth remains the same. And on this day, as we should do every day, we recognize the Sacrifice, the miracle of resurrection, and the hope we have because of it all.

Trapeze-ing!

2010-04-02T23:43:00.002-05:00

I know you all have been waiting with baited breath for the release of my debut trapeze video...
well, wait no more!

The first video is me practicing, we went through this routine three times. The second video is the last run I did where I was supposed to catch the trapeze professional... You'll see how it turns out.

The High Life

2010-03-23T20:48:00.002-05:00

Items of note:

I have been living life a little on the wild side recently.

Exhibit A: in the last 2 weeks I have killed two, count 'em! TWO garden snakes, with a measly spade. I won't get into the specifics of the size of said snakes, but let it be noted, they were snakes. That makes them guilty enough to be killed. Remember that part in Genesis? My heel, their head? done.

Exhibit B: A week ago I took flying trapeze lessons. yes. flying. trapeze. lessons. I'm that crazy. I was hoping to have a video to post, but my videographer (a.k.a. my friend Kristyn who invited me to take lessonns with her) hasn't emailed them yet. Flying trapeze was a little scary, a little fun, and a lot of heart-pounding. I'm not afraid of heights, but I always prefer "ground" to "above ground".
They started us off by ensuring that we were flexible/strong enough to put our legs up on a bar, hang up side down, and reach back up the bar. That's it. Then, we were harnessed in, and one by one we climbed the 20 foot ladder to the platform. 2 things inspired me to go through with it and not chicken out: 1. One of the instructors was a really good-looking guy who was totally ripped (for lack of a better phrase) and I didn't want to look like wuss in front of him. 2. In elementary school, our gym teacher "Mr. G.", took one day out of the year to see if each person in the class could climb the rope. A whole gym period of one person at a time trying to climb a freakin' rope. First year for me (3rd grade), I faked a stomach ache. Second year (4th grade), I feigned a sprained ankle, (that suddenly disappeared after gym class. smooth). In the last and final year for the rope-climbing attempt, I decided I was going to do it. This was MY YEAR, and NOTHING was going to stop me from completing the challenge! Except for 2 things: gravity and it turns out I wasn't that strong after all. I didn't even get two inches up the rope. After that I decided to stick with activities in which I knew I would excel. Like, the eraser shuttle. (Highly technical sport that is rudely overlooked by the Olympic committee.) And speed reading. In retrospect, I think my high school years would have been a lot different if I hadn't been given an award for the most Accelerated Reader Points of the whole junior high, in FRONT of the whole junior high. Long story short, the rope fiasco is always in the back of my mind, pushing me to try new athletic endeavors the first time, even if in the end I still fail at them.

More on trapezing (?) later, and possible a video for show and tell.

Food !

2010-02-26T23:58:00.001-06:00

What would be the first thing you would eat, if you hadn't been able to eat ANYTHING for 6 weeks?

I've been working with a heart transplant patient for the past month, who has had a really hard recovery. This patient has had a tube down their nose feeding them for the past six weeks. They FINALLY passed their swallow test and for their first meal (breakfast) they specifically requested Rice Krispies with lots of sugar. Interesting choice for an adult.

I would ask for fluffy Belgian waffles with real butter and real Maple syrup with a couple slices of bacon on the side. I love waffles. And bacon.

Sweet Mama

2010-02-23T22:59:00.001-06:00

My sweet mom headed back to her home in Namibia yesterday (Monday) and I miss her terribly. She has always been a close confidant with whom I can share anything. (of course I miss my dad too! But I've had my mom in Texas, a phone call away for the last 5 weeks.)
Sunday, she and I talked and folded clothes (a way women fellowship, I'm not sure what the guy equivalent is) and of course my scrubs were wrinkled because I left them sitting for too long. My sweet mom insisted on IRONING my scrubs! Who irons their hospital scrubs?

I think she did this with mixed motivation: partly because she wants me looking my best always, even at work where she thinks I may run in to an available doctor ( of which, for the record, there are none), and partly because she just wanted to find a way to love on me. She was definitely successful in one aspect: I certainly felt loved as I walked into work Monday morning in my freshly pressed, ceil blue, Cotten scrubs, all the way up to 12pm when my last patient of the morning pooped on them. Awesome.

I hope my mom realizes how loved she (and my dad too) is as she is flying into South Africa right about.....now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

"confidence" from the valley of vision

2010-02-07T23:31:00.000-06:00

Give me such deadness to the world, such love to the Saviour, such attachment to his house, such devotedness to his service, as proves me a subject to his salvation.
May every part of my character and conduct make a serious and amiable impression on others, and impel them to ask the way to the master.
Let no incident of life, pleasing or painful, injure the prosperity of my soul, but rather increase it. Send me thy help, for thine appointments are nor meant to make me independent of thee, and the best means will be vain without super-added blessings.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hummmmmmmmmble

2010-01-28T18:29:00.002-06:00

Some days my job is very rewarding. Like yesterday when I helped a man walk for the first time after one-month-long hospital stay after becoming septic (bacteria in the bloodstream). Or a week ago when I pushed a knee replacement patient to get out `of bed on her own and walk farther than she had before, even though she was super scared of passing out again.

However...there are many humbling moments in my job. Moments where its apparent to me that the fact that I spent 3 years in grad school mean nothing to those around me and if it weren't for uniform scrub colors I'd probably be mistaken for a nurse's aid. Today, I went in to attempt a treatment session with a patient who is having viral symptoms in addition to neurological symptoms. Needless to say both internal medicine and neurology are trying to make a correct diagnosis. So, I realize PT is pretty low on the totem pole. However, I had just masked up, introduced myself to the patient and was in the middle of a sentence, when the neurologist briskly walked in and began interrogating the patient, not even acknowledging my presence. Apparently, me in my Smurf scrubs blended right in to the wall.

Ortho docs typically don't order PT after a total shoulder replacement. There's not much to do physical therapy-wise until later on down the road. For some reason, this one surgeon had PT evaluate this older woman who just had her second shoulder replacement. The woman needed no "skilled" help. I helped her out of bed by giving her a hand so she could pull herself up. The only other help I gave was to pull her weird-cloth-like-disposable-hospital-underwear down, then up so she could use the bathroom. And then she griped at me for not pulling her underwear up on the sides, all the way to her 2nd rib. Humbling, humbling job.

Hobby Hobbies

2010-01-24T18:45:00.002-06:00

Since moving to a house that is closer to where I work, I decided to change my work schedule to 730 to 4pm, so I'm done earlier in the day, while not having to get up much earlier than when I lived farther away. It's working out quite wonderfully, and now I have a lot more time on my hands.... So I've decided I need to get a hobby because the things I do aren't really hobbies.
These are some of the (kinda lame) things I do to with my free time:

1) Working out. This of course is good for me, and I do enjoy the lift class I recently started going to, but I'm not sure it's a hobby.

2) Getting rid of debt. I probably like balancing my checking book and tweaking my budget too much in my ongoing journey to get rid of debt. Again, not a bad thing (unless it becomes obsessive) but not really a hobby.

3) Watching Office and Law & Order reruns. mmmm, not really good for me (not bad either) and definitely not a hobby.

So, I'm going to pick up a hobby. Any suggestions?

I like photography. I'd like to learn to cook, but that can be an expensive hobby. I like to knit, but I get bored with it. I don't want to sew, because I always end up buying the fabric, then getting frustrated when the shirt I was trying to make comes out looking like a quilted skort. I will think on this and get back to you.

Heavy Lifting Required

2009-12-11T18:56:00.007-06:00

The phrase "heavy lifting involved" does not adequately sum up my day.

Patient #1:
Okay, so no, my patient was not wearing a Santa suit, but they were about this size... They have a BMI of 58. The surgeon had to order a special table that cost over $58,000 to perform the surgery, and they wanted ME to get them out of bed post-operatively!! EEK! Fortunately, the occupational therapist assigned to this patient is a strong guy, so between the two of us, we were able to sit at the edge of bed for about 10 minutes.

Patient #2: Okay so my first patient of the afternoon was a patient who had a total hip replacement over 10 months ago and in the last 10 months has dislocated their hip over 8 times... There is only so many times a surgeon can put the hip back in and revise a total hip replacement. So the only alternative is a spica cast. A spica cast is a cast that is put from the mid-abdomen all the way down to just above the knees so a patient's hips can't move. So imagine this cast: On a 60-something-year-old. And they asked ME to get the patient up! So I again teamed up with an occupational therapist to figure out how to get a patient, who can only bend about 25 degrees at the waist and has both their hips totally immobilized, out of bed. We decided that the best way to accomplish this was to just turn the patient so their legs were hanging off then leverage the patient up into standing. It was a little scary I'll admit. I slid the patient off the bed from essentially a laying down position and leveraged them into standing. Fortunately, the patient has a great sense of humor and we laughed all the way through the treatment. Especially when the patient referenced the surgeon as "the butcher".

My third tough patient of the day was a completely dependent transfer x 2 people. It's a really sad case of chemotherapy gone bad for a young patient with 2 small children. This patient can do nothing, and is not consistently responding to questions with blinks or hand squeezes. My days can never seem bad, when I have a patient who's greatest accomplishment of the day is coughing up a huge blob of sputum out of their trach when I have them sitting edge of bed for 3 minutes.

That's my day in a nutshell. 9 hours. I'm tired.

Happiness

2009-12-06T22:03:00.002-06:00

My happiness is not determined by:
-numbers on a scale
-what I'm having for lunch
-if my patients like me or not
-if I'm having a bad/good hair day
-what kind of home I live in
-if I have someone to spend my life with
-what kind of clothes are in my closet
-who returns my phone calls
-who doesn't return my phone calls
-how much money I have in the bank
-my family's happiness
-where my parents live
-how many people honk at my driving

Obviously the list can go on for awhile... In this season when it's easy to get consumed by things, and pleasing other people, and ourselves, through momentary distractions, I just wanted to remind myself where my joy comes from.

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

One month

2009-11-15T21:14:00.002-06:00

I've been at the hospital for a month now, and its been a good month. I've had 3 people get lightheaded on me and have to sit down. I've had one person pass out on me. 2 people have vomited in the bucket I was holding. I've eaten cafeteria chicken strips and curly fries once. I've had 3 people ask me if I am in high school. I've had 5 people point out that my eyes match my scrubs. I have cried zero times at work. It's been a good month.

I had the intention of writing a long post about Sabbath. And how I just recently was given the revelation of what Sabbath truly means, and that man WAS NOT made for the Sabbath, but Sabbath was made for man. But I'm tired now, and I will write it later. I've got work tomorrow, and as you see in the list above, that may involve some heavy lifting, or heavy dry heaving...

It was the best of times....

2009-11-08T12:08:00.003-06:00

In the last 9 years since I moved out of my parents house (the first time), I've had 12 different roommates (including my current two). Of those 12, only 2 of them have been bad roommates. I'm not going to give those two any space on my post, but I would love to talk about my current roommates, and why they are keepers.

1. I asked Colleen and Allison if I could move in on a temporary basis only. 9 months later I'm still here and I have thus decided to stay permanently and they've been completely cool with it.

2. I only knew one of my two roommates before I moved in, and Allison was gracious enough to let me move in when she didn't even know me... props to her.

3. A month and a half after I moved in I brought home a 6-week-old boxer puppy, un-housebroken and whiny. 6 months after that, my brother moved in during his furlough from school. They've welcomed both with open arms, both literally (as in the puppy) and figuratively (as in the brother).

4. They've both put up with my unintentional, yet not-so-subtle rudeness.

Exhibit A: One of our first all-inclusive roommate movie viewings was "slumdog millionaire". I apparently talked it up a little too much because it didn't become an all-time favorite by either of the girls. However, in the middle of it, Allison asked me a question about the movie and I (according to her, and she is very truthful), stated, "I don't like to talk during movies" and went back to watching it... ouch! how rude am I? What I meant to say was that I don't like to give away things about the movie plot that will become evident later. Needless to say, I'm still working on my communication skills.

Exhibit B: If you've slept withing 20 feet of my room, you've likely experienced my annoying habit of not hearing my alarm at all. at all, at all, at all. After a couple months of hearing my alarm go off without any response from me {please note that Colleen and I sleep only about 3 feet apart, it's a small room}, her alarm goes off one morning for about 2 seconds, and I wake up long enough to say "Yours". End Scene.

That's just a couple reasons why these girls are definite keepers when it comes to roommates.

________________________

The weather is changing, getting slightly cooler, and its perfect weather to read. Here's two of my recommendations.

The Covenant by James Michener. It's a fictional account of the history of southern Africa. I wanted to visit South Africa before reading this book, but now it's a definite MUST in the next couple of years, specifically Cape Town. Don't let the size of this book and the smallness of the font deter you, it's a great read.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. A classic, and so much better in novel form. I've read this book countless times and I plan to read it again before the year's end. This time I'll try to read all of the book, but secretly I love to skip ahead and just read the parts that involve Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. It's like eating just the icing on a cupcake. The whole thing is good, but the icing is always extra delicious.

Where's Waldo?

2009-11-01T20:35:00.002-06:00

Ellie Mae you bring up a great question, where in the world is Emilysandiego? the answer is, where haven't I been? Actually that's not true. I came back from a wonderful trip to Africa and spent about 2.5 weeks finding a job. I'm fortunate to work in a field where there is always a need, so on October 12th, I started working. I'm at a local hospital, working as an acute care therapist. It was not where I wanted to be, but so far its been good. Crazy things happen. I start at 8am, I finish at 430pm, and I don't have to stay late unless I want to work overtime. Yes, overtime, as in I actually get paid for work I do beyond my hours! It's really nice.

Lately, I haven't felt like I've had anything worthwhile to say on here, so I haven't. Here's something worthwhile to say: For the past month a half, I've realized that I'm happy where I'm at, and I'm even happy being single.... AAAhhh! Yes! I said it! I'd like to blame all my past, "woe is me", blog entries about my unhappiness being single on hormones, but I'm not sure that will fly. Nonetheless I'll say it again, I'm happy being single. I can do whatever I want, I can go wherever I want, I answer to no one but God. And that's kind of cool....

my archenemy

2009-09-06T16:47:00.005-05:00

Thanks for all the nice comments about my recent change in haircolor. It's lightened a little, and I'm no longer jumping out of surprise every time I look in the mirror.

My archenemy, who showed his ugly face this past spring in Austin, has done so again, only here in Windhoek. I thought I could out run him, well, at least outsmart him changing hemispheres and all, but he found me nonetheless. Cedars, blooming bushes, trees I never knew existed while growing up in dusty West Texas, all have joined forces to keep me down for a week. Allergies. What a puny sounding word to describe something so miserable. I used to (have prayed for forgiveness for this), roll my eyes at people when they said, "I'm sick with allergies". Boo hoo I thought. No big deal. I now have great empathy for them.

I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller. I'm sneezing, runny nose, stuffy head, sinus headache, itchy, sore eyes.... the list goes on. For one week my archenemy, the allergen, has been beating down my door. Allegra has made a small, temporary dent in my symptoms, but no lasting relief. I need something more powerful! Like all the bushes and trees removed from Windhoek!! Too extreme?

My years growing up in West Texas, where nothing grows on its own, did not prepare me for life among the flora and fauna. I lived in a bubble, blissfully sneeze and itching-free. Alas, I shall pay for those years of innocence... or at least buy a life-time prescription to claritin and flonase...

In other news, I was informed that the female missionaries who come to Windhoek are warned that they should carry a condom in their wallet.... WHAT?!? Yes, you read that right. Here's the idea. You can survive a rape, but you can't survive HIV. Sounds harsh, but its a reality. And while it may seem silly to think about shoving a condom in the face of a rapist, its worth asking. A recent study published by the government-funded Medical Research Council of South Africa, found that 1 in 4 South African men admit to committing an act of rape. And with over 15% of Namibia's population infected with HIV, it may not hurt to wave a condom in front of his face....

A little update

2009-08-31T13:10:00.001-05:00

My parents and I spent 5 days at a conference center located just outside of Windhoek that had no internet capabilities, therefore I wasn't able to send my weekly update. The conference center is run by an Austrian, now Namibian, with a beer belly and no capability of buttoning his shirt completely. We were there for an annual conference for African Inland Missions of Namibia. There are about 25 missionaries in the country of Namibia that are with the same organization that my parents are here with. Those 25 couples/individuals represent the States, Cananda, Germany, the UK, and Scotland. Within those 25 couples/individuals are 25 children... Missionaries do know how to raise up families! Of those 25 children that we spent 5 days with, 3 little boys were from Scotland, and I was ready to take them all home with me, however their parents were attached to them pretty well. Children with little accents are cute. One little girl, Erin, who has an adorable British accent, started crying because she "can't get my pants over my tubby bottom".

Poverty, no matter what form it is in, is disheartening to see, but so much more in children than adults. While making rounds with my dad at the local hospital, I met a little 10-yr-old boy David. David had been brought to the hospital by his 18-yr-old brother who was desperate for help. David, and his 11 siblings, were left home alone for days on end as their parents went back to the farm where their extended family lives, and David had no food to eat for 5 days. David's parents are part of a particular tribe in Namibia that have no qualms about leaving their children. David also had a fungal infection on his head that left open sores on his head. I met another boy named Vernon. Vernon had idiopathic esinophilia. A disease in which his white blood cells attack his body for no reason. I met Vernon on a Friday and his grandmother was the only family member there. Katatura hospital, where my dad primarily works, is the last resort for children in the country. It is common for children as young 4 years of age to be put on a bus from their local village and will travel alone for hours on end to get to the hopsital for treatment. To Westerners, this may seem appaling, however many parents have children to care for, farms to run, and jobs to continue in order to put a meager amount of food on the table for the remaining children at home. They call it survival. I met Vernon on a Friday, and by Monday he had succomb to the disease. Even in the States, the disease has a greater than 95% fatality rate. My dad has had to become accustomed to 6 or 7 children dying a week. I still think its difficult for him, even though this has been his reality for more than 9 months.

In other news... despite it being the middle of the dry season, there are still bougainvilleae every where, beautiful, and the clumps of them look like velvet. Its pretty common for fires to break out around town in the fields, but all the homes are made of cement, so no one really gets too excited. Maybe the one fire station in town will respond.... maybe not... :)

I have 2 more weeks here, and I hope to spend some one on one time with my parents. Part of their ministry over here is to host people in their small flat. Currently the front door is a sliding glass door, but I really think a revolving door is more appropriate.

American Football season is starting and I'm ready to get back to the states to watch it! We have a lot of cricket, rugby, soccer, and Australian Rules Rugby. If you ever get a chance, check out Australian Rules Rugby. Very cool. Very rough.

That's all for now. Take care. Eat some Mexican food for me. :)

a change would do you good

2009-08-18T14:24:00.003-05:00

When I was 18, about one week post high school graduation, I cut all my hair off. Literally, my hair was about 1.5 inches long at its shortest. I was excited to do it and even though I decided to grow it back out a week after I did it, I was glad I tried it.

Today, I did something equally as drastic and I was nervous through a lot of the 3 hours it took to do it... Yes, 3 hours. Things in Africa can sometimes take a little longer than in the states... and let's be honest: I have a lot of hair. As I was sitting in the chair, watching my hair transform before my eyes, I wondered why the change was so much harder 9.5 years later.

Change is a lot harder as we get older. The less change that happens, the harder it is to deal with when it does happen. AND it will happen.

So, changing yourself every now and then, even if its a small change, is good practice for when the big changes happen.

So, here's to change!

african trip

2009-08-13T11:58:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday we traveled to the western coast of Namibia to a village called "Swakupmond". it's a German-type community with lots of European influences in both the architecture and lifestyle. On our 5-hour trek through the Namibian mountains (dirt road only, we took the scenic route), we were passed by an SUV with a Texas flag on it. A few kilometers up the road they had pulled over and we stopped to talk. They were two Texans, living in Botswana who were on holiday in Namibia... and one was an Aggie! It is such a small world. (cue theme music).

Today, my dad and I drove 2 hours north along the coast to a small placed called Cape Cross. There are approximately 25 seal communities along the coast of Namibia, and one is at Cape cross. Thousands of seals! It was incredible, and a little stinky. Pictures to come when I have a faster internet connection.

In Africa, there are no such things as soda fountains, and diet coke is called "coke light". you have to ask if you want ice in your glass, and most glasses come with a lemon in it. A "bakki" is a truck.

hmmmm also, I'm realizing I should have brought a buffer for me and my parents.. I forgot what its like to spend 10 days nonstop with them without a buffer... I'm gonna work on that....

Do I sound like a broken record?

2009-08-09T12:51:00.004-05:00

I'm in Africa. In Namibia, the unemployment rate is approximately 50%. Next week, I'll visit an orphanage that has over 45 children in a 4 bedroom home. So much poverty, sadness, disparity, and need.

And yet, even while being surrounded my other's desperate states, I'm selfishly struggling with continued frustration that I am still single.

I've had several people that I've met already, ask me if I'm in high school. No worries, I look young, I'll be glad about it later. Perhaps its because I look 16 that I'm told frequently "Emily, You are too young to be worried about not being married." Here's the thing: I'm 27 and have wanted to not be single for about about 4 years. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not obsessed about "the wedding". I could care less about that. And it's not about just having the title of being "married". I'd rather be single and 35, then married to the wrong person. I'm looking for God's best for me.

I pray for God's will to be done, that's my first desire. My second is to find a Man of God whom I can be a helpmate to, let God love through me, and be a reflection of God's love of the church with. However, I realize that God's will may not be for me to find that Man, and that's a harsh reality for me currently.

I sat next to a super-nice Australian woman, 29 years old, who runs a cattle farm in western Australia, with over 1400 head of cattle. She wasn't a Christian, but yet even she expressed the same frustrations I did about being the age we are and single, and wanting to be married, but only to the right one, not just anyone. So, I realize I'm not alone in this. Though, some days even that thought doesn't quite soften reality.

So, first, pray for God's will to be done. Second, Pray for the people of Africa, that they would know God. Third, pray that my heart would be tuned to HIS will, no matter what I want.

_______________________________________________________________
This is me, unpacking all the "Christmas gifts" for mom and dad, after about 36 hours of travel... I crashed about one hour after this picture was taken....

Boo Hiss

2009-07-03T21:20:00.006-05:00

I need to vent.... I just had an unsuccesful night at Town Lake. My goal? Take The Dog on a walk and get out of the house. It's been a ridiculously hot 3 weeks in Austin. Highs in the hundreds, with no rain. Poor Kilo has been stuck in the house because its just too hot to get out. However, tonight, 99 degrees didn't feel so bad, so I thought it would be good to take him on a walk at Town Lake.

We headed down there around 715pm, thinking the closer we got to sunset, the heat wouldn't be so bad. Kilo had been in air conditioning all day, just sleeping, so I thought he'd be okay in the heat. Before heading down the trail, I stopped at the water station to give him some water, and then we started down the trail. Kilo acted ridiculous. He refused to walk. REFUSED. Stop, go, stop, go. This is how it went for a quarter of a mile. Finally, I had enough. I was NOT going to drag this dog on a walk. We had stopped at the rowing center, I gave him some water, and was trying to drag him back to the car. Then, the woman running the rowing center, came out and talked to me. She said that if it was her, she would dip Kilo in the lake and get back to the car ASAP. She thought he was overheated, and she was afraid he was going to have a heatstroke. Her intentions were good, but it was frustrating. How do I know the difference between him being a stubborn, 5-month-old boxer, and an overheated puppy?

I walked back over to the dock, and I wasn't sure what he would do if I just dropped him in the water, so I decided to start pouring water onto him with my hand. The rowing lady then came over to "help" some more, and offered the use of her bucket. She dipped the bucket into the lake and poured it over Kilo, the water coming dangerously close to my recently purchased expensive phone.... *insert deep breath* I thanked the lady, and did my best to coax Kilo back to the car. He sure didn't act overheated 5 minutes later when he spotted a Doberman he wanted to play with.

I know the lady had good intentions, but I first felt like an idiot for trying to drag a dog on a walk, and then I felt like a jerk for potentially putting this puppy in danger.

We finally made it back to the car. I'm attempting to shake off my frustration with an unsuccessful dog walk, and I find a note on my car....

When I parked the car prior to the "walk", I pulled up behind a SUV that had just parked there as well, and there was no one behind me. The note on my car was neatly folded and said "Please be curteous of others and share parking! Park right! Thanks"

what?!? I looked at my parking job and I had nooooo idea what was wrong with my parking! I don't mind being called out for something I've done wrong, but it makes me mad and frustrated when I don't think I did anything!

I'll let you guys judge for yourself:

Please note that there is a 2-foot wide biking lane beyond those white lines you see.

WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I submit that I did nothing wrong. AND even if someone could nitpick and find an error in my ways, I don't think it warrants a note!

At that point, I gave up. Kilo and I headed home, he got a bath, a nail clipping. I vacuumed, and at the same time taught Kilo not bark at the vacuum.

After that, Kilo was exhausted. me too. Being a dog-dragging, puppy-over-heating, parking-spot-hogger is tiring.

a return of sorts

2009-06-14T22:02:00.002-05:00

Dear Readers,
I've been on a very long hiatus. If you are reading this, that means you're one of my faithful followers (all 5 of you!) whom are still checking this, even after a 2 month absence. You're probably expecting an ultra exciting post filled with amusing stories of what has kept me away from my blog. To be honest, I've just been busy with my job and have come down with a smidge of laziness and a bit of writer's block.

Tonight however, you are going to get a sensitive soliloquy of what God is doing in my life currently.

I used to say a lot (usually off the cuff) "Crushes really help break up the day". It would get a chuckle, and on the surface, yes, this is a true statement. It's fun to meet someone new, hope they'll call, etc... So we begin with a typical story in the life of a professional single woman. Girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl thinks boy likes her, boy likes other girl who is infinitely more *insert any adjective here*, girl is rejected and acts like an emotional mess.
Here's what God, in His infinite grace, taught me, even in the middle of my emotional girlie-ness. Thinking the guy liked me? my PERCEPTION. thinking the other girl is better than me? my PERCEPTION. girl being rejected? PERCEIVED rejection. What's my point? At no time did I seek for God's Truth in the situation. I went and took a God-given desire to be pursued, and turned it into sin. So, the result of not seeking Truth in this situation led me to feel jealousy, rejection, discontentment, and over-zealously obsess about the splinter in someone else's eye when my own plank was causing me to fall flat on my face.

So, now that I've just thrown up all my emotional baggage from the last month, Good news! I've bought my plane ticket and I will be in Africa August 5th through September 13th. 5 weeks. I have no idea what to expect, but I'm very excited. Any tips for good ways to manage long flights would be appreciated.

em

An essay response to my dad's previously constant question: "When are you going to medical school?" --top ten reasons why I wouldn't be a doctor

2009-04-18T21:10:00.005-05:00

I'm in Boston right now for the marathon and to see my brother for a couple of days. As I write this, I'm sitting in a conference room with my brother as he studies, on a Saturday night, lending him support by being another warm body in a cold building filled with nude mice, research projects, and one lone security guard.
If I was the one who decided which people got into medical school, I would definitely let him in. Unfortunately, I'm not that person. So, instead, I lend my company, and an ear to listen if needed.

There are multiple reasons why I will never be a doctor. I've compiled my top ten.

10. I look better in a short lab coat jacket. Doctor's wear long ones.

9. Medical school is competitive. Unless we are playing a board game, don't put me in the competitive category. Competition doesn't spur me on. I realize I will never be #1 at anything, and I am totally okay with that. What I loved about physical therapy school, was that it was never a competition. We were all there to learn, and now being a professional, it's always about helping your fellow PT do better.

8. It's difficult to be a doctor and a mom. Note: I did not say "impossible" or "unadvisable". I salute all women who have a career and are a mom, however I purposely chose a career where it was not as difficult to be a mom, and still work part-time. Kudos to the Dr. Mom's out there.

7. Hospital food. Enough said.

6. I don't think I could ever put a needle inside someone. It gives me chills just thinking about it. I'd feel so bad poking and prodding around just to find a tiny vein! Give me a cadaver any day to work on, and I'd be perfectly happy, but don't ask me to shove a tiny needle in someone.

5. Scrotal edema. Edematous scrotum. I encountered it once as a physical therapy aide and it burned scars on my eyeballs. I hope to never see it again, and I have a feeling you can't avoid things like that in medicine.

4. Is anyone going to read reason #4 since it came after the scrotal edema comment?

3. Egos. I have no patience for people with big egos, who totally wiped out their humility brain cells as they went on hour #2 of talking about themselves. Not that everyone in medicine is egotistic, but the farther you go up the intelligence food chain, the greater number of people who think they are bad a**.

2. One of the best things about being a physical therapist is that I get to build relationships with people. Most of my patients I see for at least 4 weeks at a time, 1x-2x a week, and you learn a lot about a person when you see them that often. I love it when a patient shares thoughts, memories, and experiences with me since they now consider me a friend. A month ago, I visited a church that one of my patient's goes to and I was fortunate enough to meet her husband and get to know them better. During one of our appointments a couple weeks later, this woman shared with me how God had changed her life, and her outlook on life, after her ex-husband had broken into her home, raised a gun point blank to her forehead and fired. The gun misfired, the bullet never discharged, and he ran away. And the incredible thing is, through God's grace, she forgave him.

1. I love sleep. Seriously, I love sleep. Medical students, residents, and attendings alike sacrifice hours of sleep for our well-being. I am not willing to sacrifice my sleep. period. On top of that, I don't work well on lack of sleep, and I'll be honest: I become quite cranky without it. Eventually, after a few weeks on reduced sleep levels, my brain goes on autopilot and shuts down. This has happened about 3 times in my life, where I go to sleep, and hear nothing (that includes an alarm to get up for work/school!) until 10+ hours later. Not good when you're supposed to me the life saver.

Sorry dad, that I won't be following in your footsteps of taking the hypocratic oath, but I have a great brother who will.

Easter 2009

2009-04-13T21:48:00.012-05:00

I went to Houston on Sunday to see my grandparents for Easter. I thought I would take a friend, just to have some company, a little entertainment, create conversation with my grandparents (which he did!), and help keep me awake while driving.

Oh my. Talk about a mistake. While he was good at creating conversation with my grandparents, and keeping them entertained, he slept the whole entire way!! Seriously, within 5 minutes of getting on the road he was out. I took a picture for evidence:

And, he would not stay in his own seat! Boys.... We did take take time to smell the flowers, a whole field of bluebonnets blooming on the side of the road.

My Granny B., bless her heart, I know it was a sacrifice for her, was kind enough to allow him in her lap. As you can see, she hated every minute of it, but she put on a brave face. My Papa, was also hospitable, but a little standoff-ish as well, my Papa didn't want him making himself too comfortable and staying the night.

Me and Papa having fun too...

In the end, I decided to keep Mr. Good Looking around, because, really, how can you say no to that face? Kilo is 8 weeks old, weighs 9 pounds today, and I am his foster mom until Mid-August when Graham moves back to Texas and can live in a place that allows pet. We are all having fun with him, and it is definitely taking all 3 of us girls to keep up with him! I never realized how much responsibility it is to have a puppy, but it sure is worth it when he is sooo excited to see you at the end of the day.

The Collaring of Kilo

2009-04-07T22:28:00.002-05:00

Hail, don't that beat all!

2009-03-25T22:04:00.003-05:00

It's good to be back in Texas where Spring comes at ya the way God intended: With thunder and rain, and tornado warnings, and most especially: golf ball size hail. I'll have a picture soon of the hail I retrieved from outside that allegedly (it's pleading the 5th) left 2 big dents on the hood and 5 on the roof of my new-to-me car. I may have to enact some PC torture techniques to get the truth out of him, but I have a feeling he'll squeal like a ferrel pig when I take him out of the freezer and place him next to the BURNER 'O TRUTH! (my oven).

In other news, if you read my recent Facebook status, apparently placing your pajamas underneath your pillow while you're not wearing them is NOT the work of crazy people. Sorry Colleen, that I called you crazy. And wrote that stuff about you on the bathroom stall at Chuey's on 183.

Finally, I've realized I have a really hard time keeping up with all my friends and family. I've been blessed by having amazing friends/family, but they all live in way different places, i.e.: parents in Africa; Boston friends (Ruth and Kelly: Shout out to Baby-Mama-To-Be-Ruth! What do they call "aunt" in Ireland?) + Boston Graham Bo; Mandy, Kate, Sarah, Mandy, JP in Fort Worth; Grandparents in Lubbock and Houston; Aunt, Uncle in Pennsylvania; Sal in Petersburg (to be honest, that's Petersburg, Tx, but I'll let you think Russia because it's a bit flashier); Em K in Macedonia; El in Cali/Arizona; My Other Sister Allison A. and her clan in Lubbock; And my Sundown family; Not to mention the friends/family I have here in Austin. Whew. That was like a long Oscar thank you speech. The point is, if it takes me this long to list all these people out that I am close to, and consider family, how do I stay involved in their life and encourage them as God leads? Where's the time? Any suggestions? Mass mailings perhaps?

Tomorrow is Thursday. Which means the day after that is Friday. Pay Day and Jean Day at work. My favorite combination! (Other than Chicken + Fajita and Cadbury + Egg)

To all my homies,
much love

Here's a little Whine for you

2009-03-16T21:37:00.002-05:00

If I wasn't so tired right now I would write a blog about "Amish beards" (A name I thought I invented for mustache-less beards but alas, google proved me wrong), old women who like to interrupt me, a lot, and further lessons on the High Life, including how to make sure you're never welcomed back into a "fancy" restaurant in downtown Georgetown, Texas. However, I just spent 1 hour google-ing a hotel in Washington D.C. that apparently does not exist called the "Magnolia", and I'm tired.

On a high note, it's 9:45 and I'm going to bed. I use to think my dear friend Allison A. was a wimp for cutting out at 9pm every night, but I have now found the joy, and energy, one receives from going to bed at the same time every night and getting at least 7.5 hours of sleep!

Oh, and I made the boss's wife say "sh**" today. Yes, as a matter of fact I am, just that good.

God Bless Texas,
E

2009-03-03T21:49:00.001-06:00

Where's my "Easy Button"?

A little update...

2009-02-15T21:44:00.003-06:00

I feel a mutiny coming on... it's in the air. *Cue classic Genesis song*
So I'll post before the commoners start a good 'ole fashion uprising.

I'm sure all my faithful followers are wondering where in the world I am, but if you don't know by now, you'll just have to wait a little longer to find out...

I will say, I am sooo glad to be done with nursing homes, the smell of bleach acosting my nostrils everytime I walk in the door, mingled with the scent of old people b.o.
Now, before you get all "Oh no! She did NOT just start hating on the old people!" I love old people. What I don't love is working in a place where they've forgotten about decent human dignity and that old people should be given baths more often than twice a week.

This is usually in the post where I break up the monotony of my solioquy to insert a humerous, yet heart-warming story about my daily travails. Alas, no such story to digress this week.

I'll keep my eyes open for some pot hole I can trip in and make a clever story out of to share with you guys.

Until then, here are some clues about my whereabouts:
1. 16th most populous city in the nation
2. Home of 2 Fortune 500 Companies: Dell and Whole Foods
3. Home of Nelly, Willie Nelson, and Sandra Bullock
4. Live Music Capital of the World

I expect a miracle

2009-01-22T23:36:00.003-06:00

T-Minus 2 weeks and counting for my last day of my travel assignment here in Lubbock. Where am I going? No earthly idea. Very few outpatient travel jobs are available right now. They are primarily in random places like Seguin, Texas. Nothing against Seguin. I spent a glorious 2.5 weeks full of fun, singing, and learning of the government in Seguin. *see previous posts re: Girl's State* However, as a single, 20-something, I have no desire to go back there. So, I'm expecting God to move in a big way over the next 2 weeks to get me a job.

In the words of the in-famous Gaithers:

"I anticipate the inevitable, supernatural, intervention of God, I expect a miracle!"

oops... My bad

2009-01-18T00:47:00.003-06:00

This past Saturday, I went into my Nursing Home job to see one patient, and do a new evaluation on a patient I had seen previously. "Ms. Smith" is a long time resident of the nursing home. I have worked with her for over a month. She is over 90 years old, very frail-looking, and a week before had fallen in her room and broken her hip. She returned to the nursing home after a week-long stay in the hospital, and it was planned for me to re-evaluate her and get her moving again. Fabulous.

I walked down the hallway and poked my head into my first patient's room. She was in the bathroom, so I meandered my way down to Ms. Smith's room to see how she was fairing. Her door was open, so I walked in. She was sleeping peacefully, and I hate to wake patients, so I decided to check her chart first before I got her up.

I went back to the nurse's station, checked her chart, and discovered she was "WBAT" i.e. she could put as much weight through her leg as she could tolerate. Sometimes there is some miscommunication when patient's are transferred back in, so I thought it would be better to check with the charge nurse before I let Ms. Smith go dancing down the hall.

{Me to the Charge Nurse}: "Uh, is Ms. Smith still weight bearing as tolerated?"

{Charge Nurse} "Ms. Smith passed away this morning."

.............*Pick my jaw up from the floor*.......................

{Me}: "Uh... I just went in there, and she was sleeping."

{Charge Nurse} "No..She's deceased. Didn't you notice how pale she looked?"

{Me}: "Well...she always looked pale...."

I almost did physical therapy on a dead person!!! If I thought a broken hip was bad, I sure would have had a hard time getting HER leg moving!

Oh those crazy stories

2009-01-13T22:42:00.003-06:00

I'm going to try and re-enact the eccentric, yet commonplace conversation that happened today between myself, my patient, and staff members 1 and 2.

patient: ....So i knew Cal Ripken Jr, when he was just this high (extends his arm, palm down to about 5 1/2 feet tall.) It was in Aberdeen, Maryland. I used to go hear that one country singer's brother play. He was a drunk

Me: What country singer?

Patient: well, that one, he was kind of skinny...had a couple good hits. I think his son is a country singer too...

Staff Member 1: Waylon Jennings?

P: no...

Me: Merle haggard?

P: no.... his first hit was a song about billboards, and looking at ladies on them as he drove down the road.

Staff member 2: did he have his own tv show?

P: well, yes. well...maybe, I don't know. He played lead guitar a lot.

Staff #2: Was it the Porter Wagoner show?

P: No...

Staff #2: Buck Owens? the Buck Owens show?

Me: Andy Williams? Johnny Cash?

P: No, not those guys. he was around in the 60's.. just died. Sang a song about girls on billboards.

Staff #1: Are you sure it wasn't Buck Owens?

P: No, it wasn't Buck Owens... He was a skinny guy. His brother was a drunk, and he used to play in the bars in Aberdeen, Maryland. I'd see him play a lot.

Me: Roger Miller? Was it Roger?

P: No, before Roger.

Staff #1: Is he still alive?

P: No, he just died...he tried to get on the Buck Owens show, but he was only 15, living in WAshington.... He died young, on a motorcycle...

Me: I thought you said he just died?

P: He DID just died, this is somebody else I'm talking about. He was 15 and tried to get on the Buck Owens show...wrote a lot of songs...

STaff #2: But the guy whose brother was a drunk in Maryland, just died?

P: yeah, he was a skinny guy. But his brother was a helluva singer too, even if he was a drunk.

----> Literally, this conversation when just like this for about 10 minutes.... finally I did the only thing I knew to do, being a good 25 years younger than these people: I googled.

Google Search: Girl on a billboard driving down the highway + country song

The one, the only, Del Reeves (who's heard of him?) wrote "Girl on a billboard" and it went to #1 on the country music Charts in 1965. It was his only #1 hit. He died in 2007. And his brother was a helluva singer who was also a drunk, who lived in Aberdeen, Maryland. And that's just another day at the nursing home.

I'll take an order of Thankfulness to go please!

2009-01-11T23:12:00.003-06:00

Most men are physically starved; Most women are emotionally starved; And they both need spiritual feeding first, before their physical and emotional needs can be met. -paraphrasing from Pastor Randy from church tonight.

I find myself recently, when I hear of friends, who have just gotten engaged, or recently started dating, who seem to have "found someone", instead of being excited for them and sharing in their happiness, I instead am wishing it was me. (I think that was just a run-on, or the longest sentence ever...) I have the completely wrong attitude about it. And my prayer recently is that I won't become a bitter single woman. I detest that attitude and it isn't glorifying to God, nor attractive to the 5 single men left between the ages of 20 and 35.... {I did a quick head count and that appears to be a rough, but close estimate.}

Seriously though, God may not have called me to a married life. He may not have called me to an entirely single life either. I don't know. What I do know, is that He called me to abide in Him. To be continually held, to remain with Him. In Colossians 4:2, we are instructed to continually be in prayer, with a thankful heart. An appreciative heart for all He has done, and continues (present tense!) to do.

God,
My flesh is weak, and yearns to find happiness and wholeness in the temporary, the human. Lord, replace this desire for companionship, with one that completely desires you, and you alone.
with humility and love,
em

The Long-Awaited Christmas Post

2009-01-10T21:17:00.003-06:00

"Merry Christmas and Drive Safe." -- Those were the words I was hoping to hear out of the Texas State Trooper's mouth as Graham and I were pulled over for speeding, 200 yards from our exit and less than 2 miles from our Christmas destination. Instead, Graham, who was driving my car, was issued a citation and no blessings of merriment were given by the enforcer. Instead we got a printed ticket to be paid within fifteen days of the date it was issued: Christmas Eve.
Yes. We got pulled over for speeding 8:45pm on Christmas Eve. Way to ruin Christmas Officer Bah Humbug. Actually, Officer Humbug didn't ruin Christmas. It would have been just as bad with, or without the ticket.
The first Christmas without your parents is hard. Real hard. The saving grace in the situation is that I'm blessed that my parents aren't deceased. Just 8000 miles away. Which can feel like they're permanently gone some days. Like Christmas day. I've heard a similar sentiment from a family friend whose parents went to the mission field when he was in his late 20's, early 30's. He said it felt like they had died every time they left. I can understand that now.

I tried to sleep as late as I could on Christmas day, hoping to just sleep the day away. Unfortunately, in the White house, that's not possible thanks to my darling nephew Colton whose M.O. is screaming. Loverly. Graham, both sisters and their families, and I gathered late Christmas morning and opened presents. I did my usual bit to encourage brilliance in the next generation by buying them all books. Weirdly enough, none of them have seemed to pick up on the pattern yet, but I'm sure its coming.

I have to be honest and admit that I spent Christmas day in various degrees of crying. (I said it was hard people!) However, I did dry the eyes long enough to play the Hannah Montana game with niece Rye, and she won. Apparently in that game, you have to actually know the lyrics of the Hannah Montana songs to win. So that made me the loser by more than default.

No crazy gifts were given, no gifts frantically retrieved from my mom's closet last minute, no gift-switching once the true contents were revealed. Nope, none of the usual Christmas traditions in the Brown house. It just wasn't the same.

I love my family, and my sister Sara tried really, really hard to make it a good Christmas for everyone, but next year I'm opting to spend December 25, 2009 in the Caribbean. Because a "traditional Christmas" without my parents just isn't quite right. So I'll trade the tears and sadness of this year, for sand and sun of next year.

We Wanna New Post...

2009-01-04T22:38:00.001-06:00

The Parental Figures, i.e. my mother, are asking for a NEW POST! However, I have not posted because I've been so busy reading the books they got me for Christmas like a good daughter. It doesn't hurt that I love to read and that the books are good, but that's neither here nor there. What's here is that I am blameshifting. My not posting is my parent's fault. There, I said it. I'm a-blameshiftin'.

But yes, a new post will soon be here. Despite it already being January 5th, I know my readers are anxiously awaiting a new Christmas wrap up...ha!! Wrap up! Get it? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Okay, now that you're all asleep. You're probably wondering who got the pink turtleneck this year, and who cried first?

Well, I'm going to leave you in the throws of suspense...because I need to do a little bit more reading.....

Tales From the Crypt, or nearly Crypt Nursing Home

2008-12-16T23:35:00.003-06:00

Saturday I worked 7 hours at Barnes and Noble and got to see some long lost friends come through the line! So to Toby, Heather, Leslie, Randall, and Pam, so good to see you!!!
_______________________________________________________________

One of my patients, who has Alzheimer's, told me today:

"You're pretty. (Declarative statement) Do you know that?"

"Well, thanks Miss H."

"You're not going to be pretty for long if you keep hanging out with us old farts."

Truer words were never spoken.

_______________________________________________________

Some of the patients at the Nursing Home have more advanced stages of dementia than others. (*Obvious Girl!*) One of the more progressed patients, who likes to yell, was yelling the other day: "Adult Diaper Change! Adult Diaper Change!" After that he was yelling "Diaper Bowl! Diaper Bowl!" I think he's actually a prophet, I mean, Texas Tech is undeservedly going to the Cotton Bowl....

_______________________________________________________

The other day I was doing passive range of motion on a 99 year old, very progressive dementia patient who had a broken leg. That pretty much means I move her arms and legs gently once a day to make sure she doesn't get bed sores. She is non-verbal so there wasn't a whole lot of conversation going on during the treatment. The nurses had her tv playing, and while I was in there a commercial for a law office came on. It was regarding nursing home abuse and neglect. It stated that people should call their office "If someone you know has died in a nursing home." Sheesh, reallY? Isn't that the whole point of a nursing home? Somewhere you go to die when there is no one available or capable to take care of you? I think this law office needs to get a new Ad agency.

_________________________________________________________

It's Christmas time and to be perfectly honest, I'm not feeling very Christmas-y at all. I understand that we all have to go through our first Christmas without our parents around, and I really should be thankful that mine aren't deceased, just 8700 miles away. 8700 miles feels like a long way when you can't pick up the phone anytime you want just to say hi. Or to tell your parents you will never put them in a nursing home. :)

Season's Greetings,
em

Oh the Sweet Nectar of Life!

2008-12-03T22:35:00.003-06:00

We (the nursing home directors) decided to have a blood drive. So yesterday around noon, the blood drive bus, er, more like an RV, pulled up to take some blood. I wasn't sure how many donors they would get at a nursing home, considering most of the residents there don't even have enough blood of their own some days...but nonetheless the blood drive went on as planned.
I, being a Type O, the universal donor, decided to donate. My reasons for donating were two-fold: one selfish (I wanted to get paid to lay down for awhile) and because I am the universal donor and there is always a shortage of blood.

I wasn't too thrilled about donating since I really hate needles. I've given blood before, I've witnessed (from less than 5 feet) a knee replacement surgery, a leg amputation, and a spinal fusion, and yet I hate needles. Mainly needles protruding from my own body.

So I walked on to the bus 'o needles with mixed emotions. It wasn't so bad, I just turned my head away the whole time, and explained to the vampire...er, nurse that I wasn't ignoring him, I just didn't like the process.

In less than 20 minutes, it was finished. They pulled the needle from me and said "okay, you're done."
So I hopped off the mat, walked to the front of the bus, grabbed my free snack, and as I was about to step off the bus I thought, "I don't feel so good." but being the stubborn person I can be, I pressed on. I pressed on a total of 3 feet before everything started to go black and I started seeing stars. Survival started to kick in, I realized I couldn't pass out on the sidewalk in front of the old folks home, there's too many be-hinds to wipe to notice a PT in pink scrubs passed out on the front walk! So I crawled over to the bus steps, opened the door, and in my most pathetic whiny voice said "Excuse me". I collapsed off the steps and onto the sidewalk. The nurse-guy ran out, and instructed me to keep breathing in and out. Couldn't he tell how hard it was to breathe at that point? They then laid me down on the grass and both nurses who rushed out to "save me" sounded very far away. I then heard them say "We are going to carry you inside" and all I could think was "There's no way you can carry all 13- pounds of me!" And yet they did. Up the steps, into the bus, and onto the elevated bench, where they proceeded to pack me with ice packs like I was a freshwater salmon headed for someone's plate at Legal Seafood.

20 minutes, one coke, 50 ankle pumps, and a dozen ice packs later, I was sitting up and feeling much better. Apparently at that point "my color had returned"... I'm at my early December white-on-white, how do I lose color I don't have? Apparently it is possible.

Hours later, when I was able to give the incident some good 'ole fashioned contemplation, I wondered why in the world did they let me up from that mat? Moral of the story, don't try to re-enact "While You Were Sleeping", if you're going to give blood, sit up for a good 10 minutes before standing. That way, you get to miss more work, without the humiliation of becoming the nursing home gossip of the day.

As You Wish

2008-11-16T22:16:00.004-06:00

I recently read "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. I'm a pretty big fan of Lewis, mainly from his fictional work of the Chronicles of Narnia series. To summarize the Four Loves would be difficult, but I wanted to share some poignant statements from the book. Just so we are all on the same page, Lewis is defining these four loves: 1. Affection 2. Friendship 3. Eros {i.e. being "in love"} 4. Charity {Think, "but the greatest of these is love (charity)"}.

I'm going to share some of my favorite thoughts from each chapter. Note, read the book yourself, then re-read it again, because it can get heavy, but these are just my pickings and choosings from the book itself.

Introduction: (on Need-love, love that "sends a lonely or frightened child in its mother's arms" )
" Secondly, we must be cautious about calling Need-love "mere-selfishness". Mere is a dangerous word. No doubt Need-love, like all our impulses, can be selfishly indulged. A tyrannous and gluttonous demand for affection can be a horrible thing. But in ordinary life no one calls a child selfish because it turns for comfort to its mother; nor an adult who turns to his fellow "for company". Those, whether children or adults, who do so least are not usually the most selfless. Where Need-love is felt there may be reasons for denying or totally mortifying it; but not to feel it is in general the mark of a cold egoist. Since we do in reality need one another ("it is not good for man to be alone"), then the failure of this need to appear as Need-love in consciousness -- in other words the illusory feeling that it is good for us to be alone -- is a bad spiritual symptom."

On Patriotism: *I loved this being a Texas Tech fan and alumna long before they were ranked #2 and for having a small piece of my heart love Lubbock, TX, a place that people love to make fun of, this statement rang true for me*
" No man, " said one of the Greeks, "loves his city because it is great, but because it is his."

Affection: (this statement comes from a section about affection for our pets) "Those who say: 'The more I see of men the better I like dogs' --those who find in animals relief from the demands of human companionship -- will be well advised to examine their real reasons. "

On Friendship: "The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
"Nothing so enriches an erotic love as the discovery that the Beloved can deeply, truly, and spontaneously enter into Friendship with the Friends you already had."
"Frienship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create.) It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."

On Eros (being in love): Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman."
"The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church --read on -- and give his life for her (Ephesians v.25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him.

On Charity: "the natural loves are not self-sufficient. Something else, at first vaguely described as "decency and common sense," but later revealed as goodness, and finally as the whole Christian life in one particular relation, must come to the help of the mere feeling if the feeling is to be kept sweet."

"St. Augustine describes the desolation into which the death of his friend Nebridius plunged him..he says, of giving one's heart to anything but God. All human beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you may lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away.... {Lewis:}Even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. Christ comes at last to say "Why hast thou forsaken me?" ... There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglement; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket --safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." *emphasis mine*

Overall, a really good book. Be prepared to read it multiple times to get the full effect, so to speak. I plan to heed Lewis' words, and like the song says, "Hide it under a bush? OH no! I'm gonna let it shine"

Dry Heaves and Drink Stealers

2008-11-13T23:18:00.010-06:00

Just a quick update from the Fabulous Life of a Nursing Home Physical Therapist *Editor's Note: traveling physical therapist*

We had a "band" of sorts come play for the residents today. It was a hodgepodge group made up of musicians and vocalists that were just slightly younger and more agile than the current nursing home residents. *Note the emphasis on slightly* Why is it that the people who come and sing at old folks homes are pretty old themselves? Any ideas?

I was a little concerned about their song choices though. Some of them were fine: Yankee Doodle (who doesn't love that), "You're a Grand 'Ole Flag" (Taught a patient or two the hand motions for that classic); But there were some others that I thought should be discarded: "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore" and "When We All Get to Heaven".... REally? "When we all get to heaven"? Some of these people are knock-knock-knocking on death's door, I don't think they need an inspirational gospel song to push them through that final barrier into eternal rest! I was concerned that with all the suggestions of getting to the Promised Land that there may not be any patients left to treat! Fortunately, I underestimated the power of a non-working hearing aid.
I've begun categorizing my days at the 'ole home based on the number of dry heaves I have in a day. For example, today was not a good day. I had 4 dry heaves. They all had the same cause, but I had four of them. Well, it was also a stinky day *PUN intended* because a co-worker who shall remain nameless (because I can't remember her name, so I'll call her "Ugly Lipstick Woman") unabashedly stole my Sonic drink, left her nasty lip stick prints on the edge, and left me with nothing to wet my whistle! Ugly Lipstick Woman arrived in the rehab room in the afternoon with a medium Sonic drink; I had a large. For those of my readership familiar with the various drink sizes at Sonic, there should be NO confusion between a large and a medium. Adding insult to injury, her lip stick color really was ugly.

Wondering which of my patients I'll see in Heaven,
e

Nursing Homes smell like bleach and nasty tacos...

2008-11-11T22:02:00.003-06:00

Nursing homes are filled with old people. I work in a nursing home. does that make me an old person?
In two days, I've seen false teeth, false legs, and false niceness. And, I now know what nursing homes are cleaned with: bleach! Bleach it all! This is not the best nursing home around, so they definitely aren't working to try and make it feel like it's not a nursing home.
Within the first couple of hours working there, I realized I was in desperate need of Christ to work IN and THROUGH me to do my job over the next 13 weeks. I began to pray that I would have the grace to treat and interact with each patient as if I was treating and interacting with Christ. And, God is good.

In other news, the 45 minute drive to and from work every day is actually kind of nice. I head east in the morning and get to see the sunrise, and I head west in the afternoon and get to see the sunset. So much beauty in the West Texas BIG Sky! I'm thinking of getting some Books on CD, because I've realized that morning radio shows just aren't that great. Local Library, Here I come!

Be sure to Thank all the veterans around you today for the time and service they dedicated to our country. God Bless America!

new. car. volvo. yes.

2008-11-07T22:14:00.002-06:00

This, is my new car. Yes, you read right. I now own my very first car!!! And I haggled the price and got them to take the price down, lower the finance rate, and give me free car washes for life!

I'm pretty excited.

Karaoke from Hell

2008-10-25T02:02:00.003-05:00

It's 3am. I'm still up. why? you ask. Because the people in the apartment below me and over one, who's open window is adjacent from mine, are having the world's longest karaoke party. With the worst. songs. ever.

Apt 401 needs prayer.

Vote for Women! Step in Line!

2008-10-23T16:31:00.002-05:00

Today, I received a gift. For the first time in 4 weeks I got to talk to my parents. I could see a little of their faces on the video and they could see all of me. (glad I showered today!). What a gift. I cried, a little. Partly out of joy to see them and talk with them, partly out of sadness I know they're sharing with me, and partly out of emotional exhaustion. Half the conversation I couldn't quite make out because they were introducing me to the various people staying in the regional director's house that night. But it didn't matter! I heard them laughing, they were happy, and doing well. What a joy relationships are! We are indeed empty vessels that God fills, and today He used the vessels of my parents to love and encourage me.

_________________________________________________________

In other news, I voted. Mark November 4, 2008 on your calendar as the day to vote!! There is no excuse!! This country was founded on the belief that each person should have chance to express his/her views. And we can do that in voting. Women, especially, should vote. It's only been 88 years since women have been given the right to vote. So get out there and vote! If you don't exercise your right to vote, you have no right to complain about the government.

An open letter

2008-10-23T12:53:00.002-05:00

Did I miss it? Was it there all the time and my eyes were blinded to it? I thought I was obvious. Sending a card, a package to show my love. A late-night e-mail "thinking of you". Listening to your thoughts, opinions, lessons you were sharing, all ways I was showing love. I waited to see it in return. Holding my hand, a quick squeeze for no reason, some evidence to show me that you wanted me. I announced it to the world and I hoped you would do the same.
In voicing my desires it seems I have cut, wounded, in a way I prayed I would never do. They say ignorance is bliss, but I disagree. I don't want to be ignorant to your vulnerability.

I was looking to be romanced. Aren't we all? Only we look to humans, sinners such as myself to do the romancing. Instead of letting God do it.

God, the ultimate Romancer, Pursuer, wrote it out for us: "I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them ... Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her ... 'In that day' declares the Lord, 'you will call me "my husband"; you will no longer call me "my master". Hosea 2: 6-7, 14, 16

I don't know if I was wrong or right, or somewhere in between. Rightness doesn't justify pain though. A few months back I quoted this verse as salve to heal the loneliness I was feeling of not having anyone to share my life with. Ironically, I'm meditating on it now, to heal the loneliness and pain of love lost:

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5,6

Chance Encounters

2008-10-22T12:31:00.002-05:00

This Panera Bread, like most Panera Breads, was packed with lunchtime eaters, hoping to warm their very chilled bodies. Winter is already making its descent on the northeast, and while its only 45 degrees on the thermometer, the windchill makes it feel like its 38.
So with no table of my own, I took my soup, 1/2 sandwich, and newest Nicholas Sparks book (thanks Sara) to the long table in the middle of the restaurant and sat down. There were two lovebirds at the end, fortunately I was able to swallow the nausea and eat, and one seat down and across from me was a black lady in her mid-fifties, eating alone as well.
I almost started eating, before I stopped, bowed my head, and thanked God for the meal. Sometimes I always don't make it as public, but now-a-days I'm craving God's presence in every facet of my life, and having a hard time finding Him. So I was more than eager to have him join me for lunch. I was 2 pages and half the sandwich into my lunch when I heard her say,
"May I ask you a question?"
I looked up to see the middle-aged lady across from me, looking right at me.
"Sure", I replied, not too friendly, but a little curious.
"What faith are you?" She questioned.
"I'm Christian."
"Well, I didn't mean to be nosy, but I had never seen anyone your age bless their food in public. That's a compliment. I hope my kids do that when they leave the house. It's sure hard to find these days."
"Well, I just need to remind myself where my food comes from, so I bless it. And it starts in the home, that's where I learned it."
"That's right it does."

And that was the extent of our encounter. In Boston, MA.

After I parked the car, I was walking around our building to the front door, and I passed an elderly woman that I've seen before. This time however, our eyes met, and what I saw saddened me. They were very light blue, however aside from the color, that's where the lightness ended. Her eyes were empty and sad. Like all the light of her life had been drained out of her. I smiled a half-smile, I didn't get out the full-toothed grin. I guess living in this cold climate has had an effect on me.
I hope when I'm 75, my eyes are still blue, and full of light.

I wanna go home...

2008-10-19T23:00:00.003-05:00

"The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or somethin in between, this earth ain't no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless--just workin our way toward home."

This is a quote I posted about 4 months ago, from a good book "Same Kind of Different as Me". Just a gentle reminder to myself, that even though my parents are 7,000 miles away, my sisters are 1700 miles away, and well, Graham is about 10 feet away technically, but with our 2 schedules we don't always see each other on a regular basis; despite the distances that my family members are apart, heaven is my home! I may be a permanent nomad with no permanent resting place, but that's okay. The earthly me wants my own family to live with and have community with on a daily basis, but even with that, my heart will still long for Christ and His companionship.

God, I give you my desire for a permanent home, a family of my own, the dream of spending the rest of my life with the same person on a farm, in Texas, and I ask that if its not of YOUR will, smash it to bits and replace it with YOUR Will and your plan. To God be the glory, forever and ever, Amen!

Get Fuzzy

2008-10-18T21:35:00.009-05:00

Here are my top 4 Favorites from the 2003 Tear-Away-Get Fuzzy-Calendar (I've been doing a little Fall cleaning) {PS: double click on the comic strip and it will enlarge for my bifocal-prone fans}

Sick Defined

2008-10-16T23:25:00.003-05:00

I'm sick.

The Red Sox are sick.

Bring on the celebration oh thou rowdiest of rowdy Bostonians. Just don't touch the sideview mirror on that sick Mazda Protege. We (Graham) just replaced it from your foot having quite a terminal impact on it from the last World Series.

Crap re-heated

2008-10-15T18:21:00.002-05:00

For My Love
It's deeply rooted in every woman- the question, "Do I stand out in a crowd?" The vision of someone walking across a room and asking me to dance plays over and over in my mind; out of the whole room, I was chosen. I'll be honest, I'm fifteen... I have crushes... but more than whimsical feelings and fickle emotion, I really do want to be fought for. I long to be recklessly pursued. I'm looking for true love, something honest and untainted, with no hidden agenda but that it wants to chase after me.

I love Psalm 45: "Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty." That's it! That's what every chick flick revolves around, that's what every romance novel is written about, those are the exact words that made me want to be a princess when I was younger.

The sad reality is, though, that women often aren't validated and reassured that they're worth that kind of affection. It scars us in the deepest places and causes us to cover our mouths when we smile and hide who we truly are. But, that's what I love about Jesus-he's a husband to the widow, the freer of a captive heart. -Bethany Dillon-

I just got back from a 5-day visit to Tex-as. It was great to see good friends who are really like family. However, let me be honest, if it wasn't for great friends and Mexican food, the trip would have stunk. Let me tell you why: 4 of the 5 days I was there it was overcast and constantly drizzling, and in addition to that, I got a head cold. *note: I really wanted to put in the words "sinus infection" because it sounds so much harsher and more dire than "head cold" but seeing as I haven't been to an actual doctor, I don't know if it is a head cold or not. I just know I feel like crap left out for 3 days, then re-heated, then left out for another 2 days, then frozen, then re-heated again.

So, now I'm back in Boston, without a job, feeling like crap.... Let's turn to the B-I-B-L-E for a little motivational lesson, shall we?

Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls--
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer's feet,

And He will make me walk on my high hills.
-Habakkuk 3:17-19-

Translation: I'm going to be fine.

Traveling fun

2008-10-12T22:03:00.002-05:00

4:35 am : wake up in Boston

5:11am: miss the 5:10 train to Providence, and watch it pull away from the station

6:05am: now $18 richer given the train switch, and on my way to Providence

7:45am: board the nearly-full SWA flight

8:15am: de-board the nearly-full-mechanically-impaired SWA flight

9:50am: take off from Providence, in the very last row, middle seat. Unfortunately I was downgraded from my window seat during the de-boarding, re-boarding...appparently the "honor policy" doesn't work so well...

11:30am (CST): Arrive in Chicago, IL

1:30pm (CST): Arrive in New Orleans, LA

3:15: Arrive in Houston, TX

3:16: Told to de-plane in Houston (despite my ticket being booked all the way to Austin, TX) and directed towards gate 50

3:17: re-directed to gate 51

3:19: confusion ensues, re-directed to gate 20

3:21: more confusion, frustration, a bit of misty-eye on my part, and determination to get to Lubbock even if I have to fly the plane myself!

3:30: take off from Houston, TX

4:35: Land in Dallas, TX

6:05PM: Arrive in Lubbock, TX; 50 minutes earlier than my scheduled arrival time.

Moral of this timeline: If you're going to fly free on SWA, it's gonna cost you!

Masculine Teeth

2008-10-08T21:59:00.002-05:00

I'm going to fly and see Tejas tomorrow... get it? Tejas? For those who didn't take Texas History in 7th grade, Tejas was the Caddo Indian word for "friends" So tomorrow I'm flying to Texas, i.e. Tejas to see friends!

Okay, for those of you who are still awake:

I'm am one of the world's worst suitcase packers. Seriously, I think its genetic though. That and being chronically late. (no, it has nothing to do with me "not respecting other people's time" I just am late) Back on packing, the zippers on my suitcase are working incredibly hard right now. Really. There's a puddle of tiny sweat drops on the floor from all the zipper teeth and teethettes struggling to hold it together. Just now I decided "teeth" was a masculine word. And since I am living in one of the most liberal states, I want to respect both male and female, hence "teeth" and "teethettes" equally working to keep my precious items safely bound.

Anyways, Hasta Luego until I get back. I'll leave you with some math trivia:

I'm traveling from Boston to Lubbock. I am not driving. I will officially leave Boston at 5:15 AM and arrive in Lubbock at 6:55 PM. You do the math.

much love, em

Have Peace, Will Travel

2008-10-03T22:26:00.002-05:00

If I could live anywhere, at anytime, this is what I would do:

I would live in Boston, MA June through November.

For the month of December I would live at our cabin in New Mexico.

January, February, March, I would live in Hawaii.

April and May I would live in the Hill Country of Texas.

If I could do anything, I would be a volunteer physical therapist who didn't have to write medicare certs and do paperwork. I would also do all the physical therapy in a gym that had no walls and just a roof on it, and the weather would always be nice.

On the side, I would be a free-lance writer. Maybe other people would read it, maybe not.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It's fall here in Boston, which is a great time. I love "You've got Mail" and when he says, "I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils" so sweet. It's just cool enough now where you need a jacket to go out, but not bundled up like the kids on "A Christmas Story"

My parents are officially gone. It's only been a week, and at least a dozen times I've gone to pickup the phone and call them for advice, or to self-ishly complain to an empathetic ear, or just to say hi, but alas, I can't. It's good for me, I know. I need to learn to completely rely on God and absolutely no one else. People will disappoint you, they will hurt your feelings, make you cry, but God will NEVER disappoint, ALWAYS love, and is CONSTANT in His Character.

It's amazing how much peace I have right now, despite the chaos around me. In 4 days I will be officially jobless. I have rent, bills, student loan obligations, the economy is in crisis, my parents just moved half-way around the world, and yet, I have complete peace about leaving MGH, and moving on to the next part of my career. To the world, it doesn't make sense, but I know God, and I know that He will provide, He will lead, He will never let me down. "Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God" Psalm 20:7

Everything I need to know I DID NOT learn in Kindergarten

2008-09-06T22:54:00.002-05:00

Dear Mr. Fulghum,
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten. I know you think I did, but its not true. Your cute story/poem makes a great wall decoration via poster in most elementary schools, but in the hard-knock life of the real world, in which I have barely wafted the smell of, your words aren't much help.

1. Share Everything: Really? everything? Here's what I didn't learn: I didn't learn how to share my feelings without morphing into an emotional, weepy girl that nobody likes, including myself.

2. Play Fair: Not everyone got this lesson in kindergarten Mr. Fulghum. In fact, the older I get, the more I think this lesson was skipped over. I love fairness. I want everyone to play fair in life, but it just ain't so.

3. Don't hit people: There's at least one person that can confirm that I didn't learn this lesson. I call them love taps, others call them punches. No matter what you call them I still hit.

4. Put things back where you found them: After leaving Target today, I pushed my half-full basket towards my car. Only to find that someone had left their shopping basket from the next store over directly behind my car. I, being the good Samaritan that I think I am, but really not, pushed not only my basket back, but the home depot basket that was 2 aisles away from its home back; all the time hoping someone would notice what a good deed I did. Did anyone? probably not. Does it matter: Surely not.

5. Clean up your own mess: where do emotional messes fit into this sage advice?

6. Don't take things that aren't yours: Well, I have nothing. It's all God's. And yet I still try to take it, keep it firmly in my grasp, where I ignorantly think its safer there. Another lesson, unlearn-ed.

7. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody: Good thinking Mr. Fulghum, but sorry doesn't put triscuits in my stomach!!

8. Wash your hands before you eat: Really, a few germs aren't going to kill you.

9. Flush: Am I the only one who would like a little elaboration? Maybe some parameters? If I flush my relationships down the drain by being an emotional girl, does that make it okay? I think not.

10. Warm cookies and milk are good for you: I would love for this one to be true, but if it was, then there wouldn't be such a thing as Weight Watchers.

11. Live a Balanced Life: Hallalujeh, couldn't agree more! Now, how exactly does one do that? Hmmm?

12. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some: Another great idea...where exactly does the time come from to paint and sing and dance and play when you work a 50 hour work week like myself, or a 120 hour work week like some others I know?

13. Take a nap every afternoon: Tried that. Boss didn't like it. Said it didn't coincide with the productivity standards.

My point is, well, I'm not sure if I really have a point. There's a whole heck of a lot I don't know: about life, relationships, leaky faucets, my career, why the sky is blue, etc... and it can be really frustrating.

I've hurt some people because of my ignorance, my lack-of-knowing, lack of experience, that I didn't learn in kindergarten. And for that, I'm sorry. All I remember in kindergarten is getting in trouble for falling asleep one day. I think that says it all.

Sweet Seventeen Pajamas...When You're 26

2008-09-01T19:57:00.003-05:00

Toothbrushes and Toothpaste Pajamas: March 5, 1999 0600

Same Toothbrush and Toothpaste Pajamas: August 28, 2008 2100
Oh yes, the toothbrush and toothpaste pajamas. They were given as a pre-birthday gift by the infamous Harrison sisters as a prelude to a birthday morning breakfast surprise. I purposefully did not post the picture of me emerging from my room minutes after the wake-up surprise. Not my finest hour. But then again, when you are wearing matching pajamas with toothpaste and toothbrushes on them, how can you look bad?
It's now almost 10 years later, and I still wear the pajamas. I've recently been trying to get rid of clothes that either: I really don't wear anymore but have emotional attachment to or are not age-appropriate. I do have an emotional attachment to these pajamas, good memories with them, but given that they are almost 10 years old, and I am 26, perhaps its time I passed them on. I once called them my "guest pajamas" because I would wear them when I was a guest in someone's home. I thought they seemed a little bit "fancier" if you will, just because they matched. And matching pajamas are usually hard to find in my drawer. However, I did have a few honest friends that pointed out that just because they matched, they still had teeth hygiene paraphernalia on them, and maybe they weren't so fancy as this West Texas girl thought.

Why post about matching pajamas today? I guess I'm a little nostalgic. It may sound pretty silly, but I'm homesick. or maybe feel a little homeless. Obviously, not in the physical sense. I'm blessed beyond compare with a great place to call my home. However, my heart feels homeless. My parents no longer live in Lubbock; the place I called "home" for 15 years is no longer ours. My sisters both have homes of their own, but they've never been my home. I love Boston, but I came here to work and last week I told my boss that the 2nd week in October would be my last day there....I know, I just slipped that big announcement in there like it was no big deal. This was not a rash decision on my part after a bad day of work. It came after God telling me that my season at MGH was over. Something I had prayed about and thought about and struggled with for several months now. So, where is home?
Philippians 3:20 says "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"
I know that my natural, earthly flesh wants something physical here on earth to count on for stability and security, but in my heart, I know Jesus Christ and his love is the only unchanging constant in my life that I can and should rely on.
However, knowing this in my heart doesn't always change my emotions, the sadness, and homesickness I feel. I don't know if that is spiritual immaturity on my part, or if that is just the way it is. No matter what, for me, it is a minute-by-minute decision to count only on Christ and on nothing else. If I let myself stray from him, I risk getting swept up in the tumultuous winds of change.

Ch-Ch-Changes

2008-07-30T20:30:00.001-05:00

this blog is under construction.... stay tuned for several new (and Big!) updates!

Young at Heart

2008-07-14T20:38:00.005-05:00

April 2007

July 2008

How things change in just a year! My sweet Pennsylvania BFF is now almost 3, and is talking so much! She can now really say my name and we had a great time catching up this weekend. We did all the things most best friends would do after a long absence: Play dress-up, watch her grandfather trim the bushes with as much awe as if we were watching the moon landing, practice jumping forward and backward, then side to side, and last but not least, take turns "talking" on an Elmo phone.

She's a love and it makes me so glad to have friends, that are just like family.

In other news, I discovered that drivers on the Massachusetts Turnpike are completely unaware of the "left lane is for passing" idea. So, apparently its cool for a long line of cars to all drive in the left hand lane, without anyone having any intention of moving back over. I did my best to lead by example, but I don't think I made any long-term impact.

Mom, you have my love. I hope this satisfies your "anonymous" desire for more leisure reading! Have fun with VBS this week!

Fore!

2008-07-09T20:08:00.002-05:00

Random thoughts:

My first patient of the day, who randomly told me last time his opinion that all Texans start drinking and driving at 7am, told me my hair "looked nice". Only to be followed by "did you get it relaxed or something?" ... that's a negative Ghostrider. It's called wet hair. As in, I just got out of the shower and ran here barely making it for your appointment. {no, I didn't actually tell him that, he got a "thanks!"}

Speaking of hair, my boss asked me today if I got my haircut. Technically yes. 2 1/2 months ago.

Here's a good thing: I won 2 tickets to a New England Revolution Soccer Game! Who's free a week from today?

Walking home from work today, I found myself walking behind a very sl-ow walking older couple. After a few seconds of walking behind them, I realized, I know those suspenders! And I've seen those canes before! Wait a sec! That's my patient and her husband who didn't show up to her appointment today! Seriously though, y'all know my love for old people, I can't be mad. So I greeted them like we were old friends in Lubbock running into each other at United. We discussed the weather, their health, and traffic. C'est la vie!

So tomorrow I'm driving to Pennsylvania to see my aunt and uncle, and my mom and niece are flying up from Texas on Saturday, so I get to see them too! And better yet, after a year break, I'm finally getting to play some golf! My uncle and I are planning to play Friday or Saturday and I can't wait to get back in the swing of things...ha.

Things I'm thankful for today: 3lbs less, yummy leftovers, friends, and good health.

2008-07-08T23:30:00.003-05:00

From God's Heart, to Andy Stanley's lips, to me via my mom and email. Thanks for the reminder Mom. I need it and I love you too! (PS can't wait to see you in PA in a couple of days!)

"Prayer is critical to vision development. Prayer keeps the burden fresh. It keeps our eyes and hearts in an expectant mode. Prayer doesn't force God's hand. But it keeps us on the lookout for his intervention. Prayer sensitizes us to subtle changes in the landscape of our circumstances. When He begins to move, we are apt to recognize it."

Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso, I fell in Love with a Mexican Girl

2008-07-08T22:16:00.004-05:00

I came home tonight, hungry, and tired from handling some *insert PC term for crazy/difficult* patients all afternoon.

If you're a frequent reader (shout-out to mi madre and mi hermanas), you'll remember that back in March i had a little pity party for myself, after I spent my birth-day alone, without cake (I love cake) and I had gained 2 pounds after starting WeightWatchers. I again apologize for the whining session, but I don't advertise this site to be a complaint-free-site, just an honest site.

Anyways, fast forward to July. My goal was to have lost 10 pounds by now. What I didn't figure into the equation was the months it would take to straighten out how I thought about food and portions. I've now successfully switched to Diet Dr. Pepper as my soda of choice, and have seen a small change in the scale using WeightWatchers points tracker, though I'll wait for a big number change until I make a big hullabaloo about it.

All this to say, I came home tonight, hungry, ready to make some healthy tacos with my easy-taco-seasoning mix in the cabinet. Only to find *gasp* there wasn't any! So, what does a mature, well-adjusted, independent, college-graduate-with-a-master's-degree-professional-woman do? I hit speed dial and called my mom in Texas. She, being the fabulous home-economics-degree-holding mom that she is, looked on the back of her taco seasoning mix and told me what was in it.
So, I took a plunge. I MADE TACOS FROM SCRATCH!!

They turned out so good, and were healthy at the same time, that I thought I'd share the recipe. Any additions that you think would be helpful would be appreciated.

Combine 1/4 tsp of the following ingredients:
cumin, chili powder, dried oregano, black pepper, table salt, sugar, paprika, garlic powder, and Chicken Fajita Seasoning*.

Meanwhile, brown 1/2 pound of ground turkey. After thoroughly cooked, add a little less than 1/4 cup of water and mixed seasonings. Simmer for a few minutes on low.

Placing in corn tortillas (soft or hard): refried beans, fresh avocado, taco meat, lettuce, tomato, onion, and low-fat or fat-free cheddar cheese.

the 1/2 pound of turkey made about 3 1/2 hard tacos worth of turkey tacos. Muy delicious-o.

Also, here's the best part: If you are a WeightWatchers Point counter: Use fat-free Cheddar cheese and 2 tacos (which are plenty-filling with all the ingredients) is just a 7-point meal! Ole!

Okay, I'm no Betty Crocker, so take the recipe and change it however you like.

*Chicken Fajita Seasoning made by the Fiesta Brand is a staple for any kitchen, and a great seasoner for any food!

2008-07-06T21:46:00.004-05:00

How does this little guy:

Become this little guy:
In 2 years? Unfathomable.

My youngest nephew Colton will turn 2 years old in 5 days. Despite the thousands of miles separation, he still recognizes me on Skype and calls me "Mimi". Heck, the kid could call me "Bob" and I wouldn't care, as long he as recognizes me as his aunt and gives me sweet kisses and hugs when I see him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLTON!!

love, Mimi

Salsa and Merengue

2008-07-05T23:46:00.003-05:00

Tonight I went about 100 miles outside my comfort zone. That's what I'm all about these days.
I went with some of Graham's friends from school (without Graham) and we went salsa dancing. Yes, I said dancing, as in a guy and a girl, presumably moving to the same beat, in rhythm.
If you know me, you know that I wasn't born with a lot of natural rhythm or smoothness. I spent about half my life falling down stairs, and I can't remember a time when I didn't have a bruise somewhere.
Maybe I should have warned my fellow dancers of this BEFORE they took the floor with me. I may or may not have taken out a woman within the first 15 minutes. This lady's poor toes peeking out of her shoe were no match for my sasquatch-esque feet strapped into cute 3 1/2 inch wedge heels. I definitely saw her date bring ice for feet and I never saw her the rest of the evening. To this woman, I am so sorry and please send me the bill for the x-ray of your toe.

The other victim of the evening was a nice man we'll call "Ted". Ted was a fairly good dancer who definitely liked to dance closer than most. What poor Ted didn't know was that my right elbow liked to get a little close as well. To his eye. I think he has a 50/50 chance of seeing again out that eye.

Also, I was the only woman who got paired with the most OCD guy on the floor. Through the first hour-long "lesson" session, we got stuck on one move that we never mastered, despite the fact that "Jim" kept coming back to me the rest of the evening and saying, "Okay, I think I've got it, let's do it again." So I'd march back on to the dance floor with him, stand there as he counted off, "1 2 3 4 and 5 6 7 8" before beginning. Poor Jim.

The most important thing I learned this evening was how imperative it was for me to STOP BEING IN CONTROL, and let the guy lead. hmm... that sounds familiar. Every time I resisted or tried to lead, we got out of sync. I think there's a spiritual lesson here that I've been learning for awhile.

When I let God lead, let him make the decisions, things go so well. Just as the guy partner sees the whole dance floor and leads the woman out of danger and into an open area, God does the same thing except on a much larger scale. He knows all, past, present, and future and if I just let him lead, he'll lead me into safety.
Despite not being naturally good at dancing, I do think I can get better at it with practice, and I plan to go again.

And this time, I'll let the guy do all the leading.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

2008-07-04T14:59:00.004-05:00

In honor of our country's 232nd birthday, I busted out the oh-so-beloved "Bluebonnet Girl's State" cd circa 1999.

You're a grand old flag, you're a high flying flag and forever in peace may you wave.
You're the anthem of the land I love, the home of the free and the brave.
Every heart beats true to the red, white, and blue where there's never a boast or a brag.
Should all acquaintance be forgot keep your eye on the grand old flag.

This is my country, land of my birth.
This is my country, grandest on earth.
I pledge thee my allegiance, America, the bold.
For this is my country, to have and to hold.

Just like a sleeping giant, sprawling in the sun. In one big hand the Rio Grande, in the other Galveston. My Ma was born in Dallas, Father in Fort Worth. You can bet your boots I got my roots in the good 'ole Texas earth. For this land is Texas, Lone Star State of Texas, this is the giant land I love!

(my mom used to sing this one to me)
The Yellow Rose of Texas, is the only girl for me. Her eyes are big as diamonds, they sparkle like the sea.
You can talk about your Clementine and sing of Rosa Lee, but the Yellow rose of Texas, is the only girl for me.

(choreography and hand signs for each song available on request and not available to those who only want to make fun of Girl's State! {You know who you are})

Ladies Beware

2008-07-02T21:56:00.004-05:00

We all like our own space. Sometimes however, others don't realize they are invading our space. We all use different techniques to mark our territory. I can't always explain why people do the things they do. Take my brother Graham for example: he has a unique way to make his presence known and keep his space to himself that is totally unique to himself. Well, that's not completely true. He does share this technique with one other species on earth:

Graham's Marking His Territory

I know. Dis-gusting. But, he's my brother, and I love him.

(100th Post!) Summertime, and the livin' is easy

2008-06-29T20:17:00.004-05:00

We joined the caravan of Keillor fans still 8 miles away from Tanglewood as we exited the tollroad. 2 hours earlier we had loaded up Mike's 2-wheel-drive Ford Explorer with 6 people, 4 lawn chairs, 2 blankets, and an assortment of picnicking food that was as diverse as the consumers. The goodies included wine, cheese and crackers, pretzels, salsa con queso, and Diet Dr. Pepper. Lenox, MA is a quaint-looking town that caters to the habitants of the surrounding states. Garrison Keillor has made Tanglewood, summer home of the Boston Pops, a yearly stop on his tour.
2 1/2 miles out from Tanglewood, our caravan slowed to a creep as the traffic maneuvered through the 2 lane road in the woods. While the first 126 miles took us about 2 hours, the last 2 1/2 miles took us 40 minutes.
It began to rain as we finally made our way into the grassy parking lot, directed by orange vest-clad high schoolers, earning their summer wage as make-shift traffic cops and parking directors. Some parts of the grass were turning to mud, and I was hoping the yellow summer dress I had chosen to wear wouldn't become a mistake later on.
We had just about come to a stop, mere feet from our place in the line of parked cars when someone, we will never remember who, said "I hope we don't get stuck". Nanoseconds later Mike hit the gas to pull 10 feet into our parking spot, when we heard the noise no one wants to hear: Tires, spinning in the mud, going nowhere. Graham and I, being the supportive friends we are, burst out laughing uncontrollably at the hilarity of the situation. I'm sure Mike appreciated it. 15 minutes, 3 muddy high schoolers, plus Graham, and finally 4 grown men later, the 2-wheel-drive Explorer was freed from the grimy clutches of the mud patch.

We finally found seats on the lawn, spread our fare, and while we couldn't see Garrison Keillor unless would stood up and walked 12 feet forward, it was worth it. It rained the first 15 minutes or so, and Garrison wandered into the crowd of people singing "Singing in the Rain". Graham got a picture of the entertainer as he walked by:
The show was awesome. It was a combination of the best concert you've ever been to with the laid-back charm of a family reunion. Guy Noir did not disappoint as he solved the case of the missing oboe reed (eventually found in the throat of the oboist's pet boa constrictor), The Guy's All Star Shoe Band was fantastic, and we heard all about Lake Wobegon's preparation for the 4th of July. The current U.S. Poet Laureate, Donald Hall, was also a featured guest and read many poems. My favorite was one in which he describes waking up on his 200th birthday, blowing out 200 candles, one at a time, and taking a nap between intervals of 25 candles.

Even the most staunch northeasterners in the crowd couldn't help but tap their foot to the great bluegrass sounds of The Del McCoury Band. It had been a long time since I had heard some good bluegrass live, and it was a beautiful scene to sit back and listen on the lawns of Tanglewood as they played, with Garrison Keillor singing back up.
The other artist featured on the show was a musician with a sweet voice named Inga Swearingen
She was a fantastic addition to the show and my limited adjective list can't do her justice.

Finally, after the radio program was off the air, Garrison Keillor, Inga, and the Shoe Band proceeded to give a one hour encore. A sing-a-long of sorts that included everything from all 4 verses of "Amazing Grace" to "Great Balls of Fire" to "Summertime" by Ira Gershwin. (you know that one, "summertime, and the living is easy. Fish are jumping and the cotton is high...")

The dry humor via Garrison, per usual, did not disappoint. During the encore, he sang a song with many verses that he made up as he went. One such verse went something like this: "down in Arkansas, there was a man who started buying 2 1/2 dozen packs of condoms on a weekly basis. Finally the store clerk worked up the nerve to ask this man what he was doing with all these condoms. The man answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in plastic bags".... :) so great.

Graham rated Saturday Night with Garrison as his number one favorite night in Massachusetts so far. In a state filled with "Massholes", that's a pretty big compliment coming from Graham.

So, this is already a long post, but I have to say a word about the recurrent theme in my posts relating to my frustrations of singledom. First, thank you to all my family, and friends, new and old, who are praying for me and thinking of me daily. I am so blessed, and the love is felt. Second, I know I get frustrated, and apparently my last post had my mom worried. (she's a mom, she's good at that). Here's the thing: I know in my heart that I will get through this. I may come out married, or I may come out in complete peace in being single. I don't know the outcome. What I do know, and I was reminded of this at church this morning, is that "even though, I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil". There's no "when" or "if" in that passage. David had already faced great challenges and he knew more were ahead. However, his confidence was not based on himself or his circumstances. They were based on verse 1: The Lord is MY shepherd; I SHALL NOT want."
Biblical contentment does not mean settling. So, I will continue to struggle through this time with Holy Discontenment and continue to pursue the Lord's will for my life.

As always, much love from the far Northeast.

2008-06-27T22:55:00.002-05:00

I came home tonight, frustrated. Frustrated with myself, frustrated with the fact that I seem to be invisible to the male race, frustrated with God that He lets me continue on this journey of being single with no end in sight, frustrated in having to walk home by myself at 11pm in Boston, just plain 'ole frustrated about a lot of things. Mainly frustrated with things I can't control. They take my attention away from God and yet I continue to feed them like a pig getting ready for Spring slaughter.
God's love is so amazing in the fact that he knew my sins would include being mad at him for things so mundane, so childish as these, and yet he still gave his life. If I were God, I would have given up on myself long ago, and said she's not worth giving my life for, and yet God made me worthy, made me righteous. And as I meditate on God's goodness in light of this situation, love for God takes over and self-pity has no room to lurk.
I wish I could say I will never come home feeling like this again, but chances aren't great for that. Primarily because there is one who still prowls the earth seeking to destroy. Apparently though, he didn't read the ending. The part where Jesus returns for his Bride. That's the ultimate ending that makes it all worth it.

Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

Psalm 51: 8-12

Things that Surprise me

2008-06-26T21:21:00.002-05:00

1. The fact that there are women out there (single and married) who don't know what the phrase "full term" means. (in regard to pregnancy)

2. People who have no body awareness. Being a physical therapist, we are trained to be hypersensitive to where our body is in space and how it moves. So when I meet a patient who has absolutely no awareness of this, it blows my mind. I had a patient the other day whom I instructed to "turn your trunk and shoulders to the right", he then asked me what his trunk was.

3. The fact that lots of people don't know who Garrison Keillor is, or have never heard of Prairie Home Companion. I'm going to see Prairie Home Companion with some friends this weekend and I am sooo excited, it's going to be great. My good friends Jan and Randy always told me how great it was seeing him live and I expect not to be disappointed.

4. Far-fetched, surprising ideas that you talk about, and all of sudden before you know it, you start acting on that idea. Weird explanation, let me give you an example: In the fourth grade I really wanted a dog. At the annual elementary school pancake festival I casually mentioned it to my parents, expecting them to shoot down the idea immediately. Well, within an hour we were traveling to go look at some puppies. Who would have guessed? and we got a dog. Laddie. Then... we had to leave her when we moved. sad.

5. I'm still surprised that my tastes change. I'm not sure why this surprises me, but every time I like a new food, or wear a new color I've never worn before and end up loving it, it surprises me. My opinion of what I want in a guy seems to have changed a lot in the past year or so as well. I guess that's part of growing up. You realize what's really important.

oooohhhh I get it now

2008-06-23T22:16:00.002-05:00

Apparently, having a guy interested in you is necessary to start a relationship.

this is a serious breakthrough.

Diet drinks and your Grandmother's Lingerie

2008-06-21T16:28:00.002-05:00

Shopping at Urban Outfitters can be a little like cleaning out your grandmother's attic. You may find a fabulous treasure, but for the most part the clothes look old, smell old, and you think to yourself: Is this a piece of my grandmother's lingerie?

So, something happens when you hit your mid-twenties. Your metabolism goes for a permanent vacation. Yeah, awesome, I know. I'm now coming to accept this, and realizing there are some eating habits I have to change. One of is drinking cokes. Here's the thing though: I've tried PLENTY of times to give up coke, and what I realized is that I really don't want to. However, I can't keep drinking them and still stay in single digit clothing. So, I conducted a massive, thorough, very complicated experiment to determine which diet drink I could stand. (i.e. I bought random drinks at the store until I found one I liked) And the results are overwhelming. Based on sound reasoning by taste buds #1 through 67, Diet Dr. Pepper is the best diet cola. It beat out Coke zero by a tenth of a margin. So, that's that. oh, and Lean Cuisine flatbread sandwiches are really good for being "healthy".

Who plants a seed beneath the sod and waits to see believes in God

2008-06-15T19:15:00.002-05:00

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy!

Psalm 126:5

A word of encouragement (selfishly) for myself. Feel free to take it as well, write it on your heart, keep it close so that when the spirits of discouragement, sorrow, and frustration come you may be hard-pressed on every side, YET not crushed.

last words

2008-06-11T20:22:00.002-05:00

Made it safely back to Boston, and cried most of the way. No, not because I was overwhelmed with sadness to leave Lubbock. (though there was a little bit of that in saying goodbye to my parents and the home I've known for 15 years, as always). No, I blame these tears on one of the best books I've read in a really long time. In fact, I'd say this book ranks right behind "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Van Auken, my favorite book, ever.
The book is called "Same Kind of Different as Me" by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.

I can't get the last line of the book out of my head:

"The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or somethin in between, this earth ain't no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless--just workin our way toward home."

City Slicker

2008-06-10T00:13:00.003-05:00

Being back in small-town West Texas is very surreal. I spent the first day and a half feeling like I was in a dream. Everything seemed vaguely familiar, but not quite the same as I remembered it. It's almost as if I lived here in a previous life (if there was such a thing) but I can only remember bits and pieces.
As my days back extend into 3, I quickly slip back into a familiar pattern. Stopping at Sonic after church with my brother and his girlfriend for a drink, running errands with my mom, meeting my best friend as Rosa's for lunch. It all starts to feel normal again.
I know that when I go back to Boston in a day, the first day and half there I'll go through a similar change. Not so sweet and cozy as the dream memory of Lubbock, more "in your face" with the busy-ness of the city, being surrounded by people everywhere I go, and the intensity of the hospital I work for.
I like both places for different reasons. Right now though, I love the city more. In the city, I always feel that anything could happen. It's exciting. I never know who or what I'll see. I like riding the subways and I love giving people directions, like I've lived there all my life. (note: uh, please don't ask me for directions. I've been asked about 6 times and only once have I given the right directions... oops)
Maybe someday my love for the quiet, slower-pace will win over. One of my good friends just moved to the country with her husband and their three, beautiful children. And it was great being out in the wide-openness of West Texas with just a couple of chickens, a dog, and a cute kitten named Tuffy. Their lives aren't super-exciting, they don't have a t.v., but they have each other, and their kids. And, it's pretty sweet.
There is a season for everything. Right now I have no doubt that God wants me in the city. In Boston. I also have no doubt that when that season ends, He'll direct me somewhere even more great, and I'll be ready for it then.

Happy Trails West Texas

Jet "We have a small delay" Blue

2008-06-05T18:24:00.002-05:00

7:30AM: Leave for work with my suitcase in hand

4:30PM: Leave work

4:40PM: stop at local CVS for a few in-flight snacks and get cash for taxi ride to my hotel

5:00PM: get on the subway to go to the airport

5:20PM: get off the subway, head out to the airport shuttle

5:22PM: While riding on the airport shuttle, check my boarding pass only to realize... My flight DOESN'T leave at 6:45, it leaves at 6:00PM and STARTS BOARDING at 5:30 PM

5:22:30PM: finish freaking out. Try to call jetBlue to tell them to hold the plane.

5:23PM: still on hold.....

5:28PM: still on shuttle, when a nice lady informs me that we, (her and I) are on the wrong shuttle and we need to get on a different one

5:40 PM: have now gotten on the right shuttle and am racing to the airport door

5:45PM: After racing around trying to find my gate, going to the wrong security line, and racing back to the other security line, on the other side of the humongous lobby, I was then confronted with two security lines, both headed up by people digging for their license/boarding ticket...oh.my. Obviously these people haven't flown for 10 years.

5:46PM: (still holding it together) My conversation with the security agent as she checks my license:
me: (In a desperate voice) "I'm about to miss my flight, is there any way you can radio ahead and tell them to hold the plane?"

Her: (sarcastically) "Do you see a radio for me to use?"

5:46:10 PM: me. seething. seeing tears. seeing me punch the security woman in the face... Okay, no I didn't punch her but of course tears swelled up in my eyes and I grabbed the boarding pass from her hand, hoping she felt badly for being a big jerk. A big sarcastic jerk at a time when sarcasm was not needed.

5:48PM: Finally get through the metal detector, only to hear "We've need a bag check on lane 3" yep. you guessed it. me. and yes, you're right again, the tears that I had just dried from my eyes 30 seconds prior came rushing back again like a bursting dam. Dam. Dam. Dam.

5:51 PM: Still don't know where my gate is, I'm now running for the first jet Blue counter I can find.

6:02PM: Sitting. Sitting. No, not in the plane. Why you ask? Because my flight has been DELAYED until at least 9:15PM. Putting me into Austin after 2am.

7:30PM: Arrive back home, after paying a ridiculous $35 to take a cab home.

Next time, I think I'll just take a covered wagon. Surely I could make it home sooner, with less frustrations. Or a stagecoach, maybe I'll just ride bareback. Or hop a ride on a hot air balloon. All ways faster than this.

e-pricey

2008-06-03T20:45:00.003-05:00

How much does it cost to find the love of your life? Apparently 59.95 a month.

I miss the good 'ole days when it was free. I miss 4th grade, and all you had to do was pass a note with a couple of boxes. Of course in 4th grade I was surrounded by a whole classroom full of eligible guys.

I should have started looking 15 years ago.

A few choice words

2008-05-29T22:36:00.002-05:00

If you're anything like me, you never find "cool" music on your own. I have always relied on my brother and a few other choice friends to cue me in to great tunes. In the spirit of giving, here are my favorite songs playing on my iPod as I ride the train to work. Some are old, some are new, but all are awesome:

--> Where does the good go by Tegan and Sara
I can't get enough of this song. I got it from Graham several months ago and I keep listening to it over and over. It's still awesome.

--> The Denial Twist by the White Stripes
My dream would be to play tamborine for this song. Whenever I listen, I do the head nod and the foot tap. I am sooo white. (Also check out "Take Take Take" and "I'm Lonely but I ain't that LOnely yet" 2 great ones as well)

-->John Wayne Gacy, Jr. by Sufjan Stevens
This is the only song that you HAVE to listen to the lyrics. All of them actually (it's not that long of a song) Other good songs from this album: "Decatur, or a Round of Applause for your stepmother" and "Casimir Pulaski Day"

--> Crazy Love by Van Morrison
Can it get better than Van Morrison talking about love? I submit that it cannot. My absolute favorite love song. And a great song even if you're not a hopeless romantic.

--> Even After All by Finley Quaye (from Thicker than Water album)
This is the song I listen to when I'm walking around Boston, thinking I'm super cool... Okay not really but it's still great, no matter what you're doing.

--> Blonde on Blonde by Nada Surf (from a Love Song for Bobby Long)
this is one of those songs that I never noticed until I put my iPod on shuffle and I kept hearing it. Now it's a favorite.

--> When Your Mind's Made Up by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (a.k.a. The Swell Season)
I heard this song when I first saw Once last summer, then this past Thanksgiving I saw the Swell Season here in Boston. I haven't been to many concerts, but best I've ever been to. And this song was sooooo great live. If you haven't seen the movie, SEE IT, if the Swell Season are coming close to where you live, GO!

And for all my country fans out there:
-->Then I did by Rascal Flatts
Did this even go to radio? I have no clue, but I bought the album for a different song, and after repeated listenings, this is probably my favorite. For now at least.

--> Praying for Time by Carrie Underwood (I know G.M. did it first, but she did it better)
So, first time I ever bought a song on itunes because of American Idol. I have pretty neutral feelings about Carrie Underwood, but I loved this song and her version of it.

Let me know if there are any great songs I need to hear. Like I said, I always need help finding the cool music.

What Girls Love: Here's a few revisions

2008-05-25T23:02:00.006-05:00

I've recently been reading a guy's blog who I went to high school with and while I enjoy what I've read so far, I'm a little up in arms with his most recent post. I'm alarmed to realize that there are some serious misconceptions about what girls love. Reading this list, I realize that there is a population of girls out there who probably seem like a lot of fun, but are either a)immature or b)lacking serious depth. My plea to all you gentlemen: don't settle for these girls. There are real girls out there who are beautiful and possess all the characteristics you desire. (insert corny music with the "The more you know" slogan from NBC)

So in a response to the aforementioned list of what girls love, here are my edits:

What Girls Love:
1. Cooking with other people. (so much better than by ourselves) (I hate fruit pizza by the way. Unless you consider pepperoni and pineapple pizza "fruit pizza" then i love it)

3. Good friends who won't steal our boyfriends, talk behind our backs, and will tell us when we really don't look good in that dress.

4. I got nothing here. This girl likes to make fun of those girls who throw up the peace sign. World peace would be okay. But sometimes you gotta fight...for your right...okay, i won't go there.

5. Women being equally acknowledged as men for their abilities, no matter what job they hold.

6. Using the word "creepy" or "creepster" to describe men who make us feel uncomfortable for various reasons. Sometimes we use this word to describe unattractive men who are aggressive, but we don't want to sound shallow, so we say "creepy". (yes, women can be shallow) but it can equally be applied to a good looking guy who makes unwanted advances, like trying to give us a neck rub when we barely know them.

7. We like confident guys. And confident does not always mean aggressive. We like guys who are confident in just being themselves.

8. We like to eat what we want and still be thin. Because guys like thin girls. If it didn't matter what size I was, I'd eat my cereal with sugar instead of Splenda every morning and I'd get a full, regular coke at the hospital cafeteria instead of 1/3 diet coke and 2/3 coca cola classic. (I'm working my way to 1/2 and 1/2, but it's tough. Diet coke makes me want to gag.)

9. Turkey subway sandwiches.

10. Chi Hair straighteners. If you all could only see the awkward, Chia-pet-type hair I had in my 3rd through 10th grade photos you would understand why all girls love a Chi. For girls with curly/wavy hair, it lets them have a straight option without it taking hours to blow dry straight. For girls who already have straight hair, the Chi saves them equal amount of time. So they can do a crappy job blow drying the hair straight and use the Chi to finish it off.

11. We girls like to look "cute" in the following situations: a)if there's a possibility of a guy being around b)if there's a possibility of a picture being taken of us that will end up on the internet c) if we know we are going to look stupid doing something, because we have no talent in that area, then definitely yes, we might as well look cute AND stupid. Example 1: Me going out to play a game of tennis with a few friends, one being a guy I may or may not be interested in. I would want to wear "cute tennis clothes" (this assuming I have vasts amount of money to spend on something I'll hardly wear) for the following reasons: a) there's a guy around b) friends getting together usually equals pictures because of reason #19 c) While I have fun playing, I suck at tennis. So I would definitely want to look cute.

12. Uh, still don't know what "LBPBs" are, so this will have to wait and get edited later.

13. Girls are physical beings as well. I can't support the "baseball pants" claim, but I can't deny that there are girls out there who love to see Jon Lester on the mound in his baseball pants.

14. impromptu dance parties/karaoke parties just means we like impromptu fun!

15. Ray LaMontagne. hell yeah! (Mom, that hell is for you! :)

16. "guys with indentations in the hips due to muscular definition in torso" Again, women are physical beings as well. Just like I'm sure most guys like to see cleavage and a tight a double s on a girl, most girls do like that section of a guy. That doesn't mean that it's a prerequisite for marriage.

17. I love Boston. period.

18. Jim from the office. What a cute, FUNNY, confident yet humble guy. (And I'm guessing he probably doesn't have indentations of his hips)

19. Taking pictures of ourselves with friends.

20. Don't really know BeefyJon anymore, but I remember in high school he was well-liked. Why? He was funny and smart. And generally nice to everyone. He did tell me I was "the most sarcastic girl in school" and I don't think he meant it in a nice way, but 8 years later I admit, I was probably a bit of a smart ass, who was always ready to voice her opinion. I've learned a little bit since high school, (Praise the Lord!) I'm much better at keeping my mouth shut. Now, I just keep most of the sarcasm in my head! (and on my blog page)

I love this response blogging! It means, I don't have to come up with original posts all the time. keep your questions coming boys.

Stop giving me Lip, Lady!!

2008-05-24T21:10:00.004-05:00

In order to fully appreciate this post, please view the following video before proceeding to the narrative below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

I woke up this morning with two goals on my mind:
a) go to the gym before noon
b) get my eyebrows waxed

I know, I dream big. (Reach for the Stars!)

So, after leaving the gym, tired and maybe a little bit malodorous (my mom doesn't think it proper for a single girl to talk about being smelly after the gym, so I'll cover it up with a fancy word!), I walked across the street to the "Town Nail and Salon"

Living in Boston, everything is pretty ridiculously expensive, however, up to this point I had been able to escape the $30 charge for 2 tablespoons of hot wax being smeared over my face and a few hairs removed, instead paying only $12. What did I sacrifice for paying so little for services rendered? you'll see.
So, I walk into the Town Nail, where most of the workers there were Vietnamese. I don't say this as a racial blanket statement, but I have a few Vietnamese patients and I now recognize the language. So I walk in, with my malodorous-self and crazy 'brows and say politely,
"I'd like an eyebrow wax please", in which the woman responded "2 minute ok?"

"sure, no problem"

Fast service they were and less than 2 minutes later I was following the young woman back to the "waxing room" where a previous customer had just exited. Let me describe this "waxing room" for you:
Imagine a room, about 8 feet by 8 feet, with a home depot-esque fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling, a table with one pillow that looks like it came from my old baby sitter's 1980's living room, and one piece of long paper (you know like it doctor's offices) that ran the length of the table. And yes, it was the same piece of paper that was used with the previous customer, wrinkles and all. All in all, it looked like a place where women in the 1940's would go for secret abortions. I kid you not.

We walk in, and standing a foot away from me, under the fluorescent home depot lighting, she says "what you want?"

"I'd like an eyebrow wax, but I'd like them just to be cleaned up. I like the size they are" followed by

"You want lip too?"

"uh... no, just an eyebrow wax"

"Why you no want lip? You look real pretty with lip."

"Not today, I'd just like the eyebrows done please."

I lay down on the already-crinkled paper, cringing as I have a mental picture of some other human being lying in that exact same spot just seconds before me.

She begins to wipe the hot wax on my forehead, how she can even find my face is incredible, seeing as she is physically blocking the only light in the whole room.

"Why you not want lip? We do lip real good."

"Well, I just don't thanks"

At this point, I'm just trying to be polite and wanting to get out as fast as I can.

RRRRiiipppppp. Yeah, don't worry about being gentle lady, it's just my hair follicles your maliciously ripping out.

"Why you not want lip? When you go out at night...."

Yeah I can't finish the sentence because at that point she lost me. Literally and figuratively. She lost my business because even after I said "no lip" she continued to hound me about it like I was a 72-year-old, post-menopausal dark-haired woman, and literally because at that point I could no longer understand a word she said. I know she was speaking English, but her accent made it nearly impossible to follow. Plus in my head I was visualizing my upper lip. I see it every day in the mirror, under the bathroom lights and I know there was nothing there this morning!

She finally finished ripping my face off, in which I quickly exited, taking my non-hairy blond lip with me.

Moral of the story: Don't give lip to anyone, especially if they've got hot wax in their hand.

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love" -Albert Einstein-

2008-05-20T21:45:00.005-05:00

So I sat down tonight intending to write another blog and yet I've had trouble deciding on what to write about specifically. These are all the things I want to write about:

1. Ted Kennedy and the fact that since he's arrived at MGH the newsreporters have been parked at my door from 7am to 7pm. Consequently I've made the same joke to consecutive patients about how I "told the cameras they didn't have to follow me to work, but they insisted"; the joke has gone over really well surprisingly, especially among my older patients, but now that he has a serious diagnosis, I don't feel that it would be appropriate to joke about the situation, no matter where I stand politically. So, I'll go back to the old standard to start our small talk... "So how 'bout those Red Sox!"

2. Speaking of Red Sox: Jon Lester. NO Hitter. This is the 2nd no hitter since I've moved to Boston. I'm not gonna toot my own horn but *toot toot* I think I'm lucky for Boston. Here's why: The Red Sox not only won the World Series, but swept the Rockies as well. 2 no hitters by the Red Sox (one of whom was a rookie); The Patriots had a nearly Perfect season; The Celtics are in the Eastern Conference Finals and since I've moved here have acquired some really FANTASTIC players. Okay, I'm probably not lucky, but Boston is a great sports town to live in, especially now.

3. I'm going home to Lubbock in exactly 16 days from today and I'm really, really excited. It's been 5 months since I've been home. I don't miss Lubbock specifically, but I miss all my friends there. I miss our awesome cat Sussy. I miss seeing my house and seeing my parents in our house. I miss Rosa's reallll bad. I miss West Texas Thunderstorms and watching them roll in. It never thunderstorms in Boston, I've heard thunder twice since I've moved here. I miss familiarity.

4. Speaking of our house, it will be put on the market soon. And while I've left houses in the past, this is the longest amount of time I ever spent in one house. I realize things on earth are temporary, and my mourning for it will be short, but it still has a lot of memories. Good ones too.

5. In my constant struggle to find peace in this period of life when I'm single but wanting not to be, God consistently reminds me He is Sovereign. I was encouraged by two members of my Bible Study tonight who reminded me about the story of Joseph. (of the Coat-of-many-colors-clan). He was imprisoned for years. He did a lot of waiting. (And I've heard prison is a lot worse than singledom!) There were probably lots of times when he had trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and trying to fathom how God would be glorified in his situation. But in the end, THOUSANDS of people were saved from starvation because of the way God used him. Looking back, do you think he would have changed anything about what happened to him? No! In fact he told his brothers that, "what you intended for evil, God intended for Good!" And every now and then God gives us a glimpse of how He orchestrates every thought, every action, every minute detail for His Glory, and what an amazing gift that is!! So if you're like me, and you have such a desire to not be single, and you feel like you have so much love and emotion to pour out, HOLD FAST! Because when the frustrations rise up, faith that God intends it for good will rise up as well and over power those frustrations.

"Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

One last random note: I had a huge breakthrough with my Arabic-speaks-a-little-English-but-mentally-is-a-little-slow-patient, and I got soooo excited when it happened that I told him and the Arabic interpreter that it was "Like Christmas in May!" ---uh, yeah, so maybe I should have signed up for that cultural sensitivity class.....

10 seconds of awkwardness vs. a 10 hour hangover

2008-05-18T22:40:00.003-05:00

I had lunch today with two friends, and I shared with these guys my frustration regarding trying to find cool friends that like to have fun without getting wasted, drunk, sloshed, leathered, buzzed, ripped, hammered, sauced, and the list goes on...(figuratively and apparently literally, check it out ) One guy suggested that the reason so many people socialize in this way is because they're afraid of the possible awkward moments that may occur when you're getting to know someone and that it's easier to be the "cool guy" when you're drunk and so is everyone else.
The thing is, if you're not going to really know a person, awkwardness and all, then why bother being friends? The awkwardness is the best part. To know you can be totally dorky, totally awkward, totally YOU around people, and they still like you is an amazing feeling! I've never experienced it, but I think this feeling is a small part of what it must feel like to be in love. Knowing you can say something totally random, hoping it will come out funny, but realizing if it doesn't no big deal!
I spent a day this past weekend with a friend, and her friends, helping them fix up her house and what I realized was that these people aren't really friends! They are drinking buddies, which apparently is their definition of friend. Nobody encouraged, nobody really laughed, or felt comfortable being silly, because there was no liquid courage to enable them. I think that's real sad.
In moving to Boston, learning to be independent, and stumbling my way through becoming an adult, God has taught me a lot. I can't lie and say I am completely free of caring what people think of me, but I'm a lot more free to be myself around people I don't know. And nine times out of ten those people may think I'm a big dork with lots of awkward jokes and sarcasm, but I'm holding out for the 10th who thinks I'm just a little bit funny.

Speaking of awkward, how about some of my male patients who are old enough to be my dad and who flirt with me. Excuse me while I go heave, yak, insult my shoes...(insert the list goes on)

WHISTLE A SOLID TUNE!! HA! I just read that...

Arnold Schwarzenagger-esque

2008-05-13T21:18:00.004-05:00

Dear Sir,
I could help but notice you at the gym the other day. You caught my attention when you stood right in front of me and began doing Muscle Man poses in front of the mirror. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I could easily bench press you or the awesome wife beater/early 90's windpants combo you were sporting, but I couldn't take my eyes off you. I couldn't breathe either. You see, I was doing my best not to laugh out loud. And while maybe some people like to push their lungs to the extreme breaking point by holding their breath while they do front dumbbell raises, I'd rather not. I like my lungs. They help me breathe, and say stupid things, and clever things as well.

So please, I'm all admiring what God has created. And I am glad that you have a high self esteem. Kudos to you. Let's just keep the admiring and self-awe at home, k?

Your #2 fan,
EB

2008-05-03T15:52:00.004-05:00

www.urbandare.com

Last Saturday, I did this race called "Urban Dare". It was a mini-Amazing Race of sorts and lots of fun. We started out in the Boston Commons and after answering an initial trivia question, actually questions, we missed the first one, we were given a list of clues. We had to figure out the answers, then find out where the answers were located in Boston. It wasn't easy things either, like the Paul Revere house or swan boats...no, it was random stuff like the John Endicott statue...Who is John Endicott you may be wondering? The first Govenor of Massachusetts, doy! If they had only asked questions about Texas history, we would have won. Nonetheless, we had a great time, and decided we should do it again next year. We did a lot of running, so it was a great work out. Here are some pics from the event... Check the web site for the Urban Dare in your city.The plaque donated to the Oneida Club of Boston. (dirty knees are post-girly push-up dare)

My teammate and I at oh-so-great J.P. Licks with a random guy.

I have to give a shout-out to the Drs. Brown, my teammate's parents, and Erin who were all awesome googlers and gave us the answers!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally am getting caught up on movie watching...Just watched the Bourne Supremacy.

3 Reasons why Jason Bourne is a stud:

1. Noah Vosen: [in car, on cell phone] Perhaps we can arrange a meet.
Jason Bourne: Where are you now?
Noah Vosen: I'm sitting in my office.
Jason Bourne: I doubt that.
Noah Vosen: Why would you doubt that?
Jason Bourne: If you were in your office right now we'd be having this conversation face-to-face.
[Bourne hangs up]

BOOYA Director Vosen! He's in YOUR OFFICE! and you have no idea....

2. Bourne drove a car off a roof. Off a freakin' roof and he lived!!!

3. How many gunshot wounds has he had? Like 3? 4? How many of those were treated at a hospital? Oh, like none. Though, he just may need a physical therapist for all those whiplash injuries he's had.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a more serious note, in case you need another reason to quit smoking, here's one: A radical neck dissection. I had an evaluation this week with a patient who had a radical neck dissection because of laryngeal cancer from many years of smoking. He was fairly young when the neck dissection occured. What's a radical neck dissection? Well, in keeping my site PG, I won't post a pic but imagine half your neck being removed (I'm not exaggerating), including your muscles, nerves, lymph nodes, and many blood vessels, and being left with an opening into your body. You can't eat now and have to be fed through a tube, you have to use an electronic device to speak, and your quality of life is probably poorer than it would be had they not done the surgery to remove the cancer. I felt sooo bad for this patient. He's fairly young with no family, lives in a nursing home, and cried during the evaluation. How can I encourage him that life is worth living when he's obviously miserable? So, so sad. so please, please stop smoking.

I'm just new 'do goofin

2008-04-26T16:55:00.002-05:00

Thanks for the compliment anonymous commenter (see previous post) and great segue too!

So, I cut off my hair. {"Jo how could you, your one beauty!"}

Before:

After:
I haven't decided if I love it yet, but here are the good things:
a) it's not a mullet
b) I don't have bangs that go on for miles
c) I can still put it back in a pony tail.

The true litmus test will be when I do it curly. Those who know me well, know the awesome power of my hair and how big it can really get. However, I have gained valuable hair skills (way better than numchuck skills) since the last time I had short hair. And it's summer time, and losing about 6 inches of hair doesn't hurt.

And you know what they say... Hair today, gone tomorrow!!

(I couldn't help but throw in a shameless pun..I didn't lose that love when I cut my hair!)

Manic Monday, Marathon Monday

2008-04-22T20:24:00.025-05:00

Monday was the 112th Boston Marathon. It was pretty incredible to watch, and definitely inspirational. It was completely worth taking the day off for!!

The top wheelchair winner Ernst Van Dyk

The #1 and #2 female runners, Dire Tune (Ethiopia) and Alevtenia Biktimorova (Russian) This is them with less than 1 mile to run. They had an incredible finish with Dire Tune finishing 2 seconds before Alevtenia.

And last, but definitely not least, in his 4th Boston Marathon win in a row, Robert Cheruiyot

Our friend Aaron Hata ran in his first Boston Marathon in 3:09:41

And this person, was a true inspiration. At first glance, you may think it's just an average runner...

However, if we look again, we realize this Minnie, who ran in less than 3 hours, 10 minutes, was actually a Mickey!!

Okay, so I'm not inpsired enough to run a full marathon, but I think it's time again for another half.

Get Moving!!

I wanna fall in love, I wanna feel that rush...

2008-04-20T17:57:00.002-05:00

For years I thought it would just happen. It has happened to so many people I know. It seems so easy in the movies. *poof* it just happens. You meet someone, you get a feeling about them, and before you know it, you're sharing a cup of coffee with them for as long as you both shall live.

The thing is, I testify today, it hasn't been easy. I'm 26 years old and I've never been in love. or close to love. As a single, Christian female, I feel like I've got to pretend that I'm happy being single, but I'm not. I don't want to be single. I want to share my life, every minute with someone. I want to experience everything there is to experience with someone. More importantly, I want someone to want to share their life with me. And yet no matter how I pray, what I pray for, how much I wish, hope, daydream about, say something, say nothing, feel sorry for myself, not feel sorry for myself... the list goes on, I haven't done anything to make it happen. And apparently there's nothing I can do. I'm old fashioned. I don't want to meet someone on the internet, I don't want to be the initiator, I want to be pursued.

I know my attitude isn't glorifying to God. I don't pretend it is. There's no point to these ramblings. Just me putting my frustrations and unhappiness into cyberspace.

Desires

2008-04-13T20:18:00.004-05:00

I just attempted to regurgitate the sermon from church today. I can't type on the computer what God spoke to me in my heart. In reflection, here is a prayer from "The Valley of Vision: a Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions" that gets close to what I learned.

O Thou that hearest prayer,
Teach me to pray.
I confess that in religious exercises, the language of my lips and the feelings of my heart have not always agreed,
that I have frequently taken carelessly upon my tongue a name never pronounced above without reverence and humility,
that I have often desired things which would have injured me,
that I have depreciated some of my chief mercies,
that I have erred both on the side of my hopes and also on my fears,
that I am unfit to choose for myself,
for it is not in me to direct my steps.
Let thy Spirit help my infirmities, for I know not what to pray for as I ought.
Let him produce in me wise desires by which I may ask right things, then I shall know thou hearest me.
May I never be importunate for temporal blessings, but always refer them to thy fatherly goodness, for thou knowest what I need before I ask;
May I never think I prosper unless my soul prospers, or that I am rich unless rich toward thee, or that I am wise unless wise unto salvation.
May I seek first thy kingdom and its rightousness.
May I value things in relation to eternity.
May my spiritual welfare be my chief solicitude.
May I be poor, afflicted, despised, and have thy blessing, rather than be successful in enterprise, or have more than my heart can wish, or be admired by my fellow-men, if thereby these things make me forget thee.
May I regard the world as dreams, lies, vanities, vexation of spirit, and desire to depart from it.
And may I seek my happiness in thy favor, image, presence, service.

sleep can be good

2008-04-12T07:45:00.004-05:00

Last night, I crawled into bed at 7pm to take a "nap". This morning I woke up at 8am. Longest nap ever! I was pretty tired, to say the least. Having company can take a lot our of you. it wasn't the best sleep ever though because I dreamt a lot. Vivid, weird dreams about giving palative care to my local weatherman as he died. so weird, I know.

How do you show a person a good time in Boston? You give them the full Boston experience of course: Newbury Street, Beacon Hill, Regina's Pizza, and a good 'ole fashion towing of their car. Yep, a friend came to visit me and I got their car towed!! Apparently I have a gift of getting cars towed.

Well, it's another rainy day in Boston, and I have to go into work to catch up on some paperwork. Work conditions at MGH don't allow for leaving on time because you have company. Have a fun Saturday!

Waiting...and Waiting...Waiting

2008-03-25T19:53:00.004-05:00

"My soul [waiteth] for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: [I say, more than] they that watch for the morning." Psalm 130:6

I'm learning a lot about waiting and patience right now. When I take the time to reflect on my own attitude and behavior, I realize that there's not much difference between me and my five-year-old niece.

There's several things I'm waiting for right now. Mainly earthly desires.

I'm waiting for a certain guy to call. hoping he will. wondering if he's already forgotten what my face looks like (I'm remembering his great smile). Wondering if he's replaying all our conversations, as short as they were, in his head as I am.

I'm waiting for Spring. It's March 25 and the high today didn't get above 38. I'm still needing to wear a fleece jacket and gloves to/from work. I looked at the 10-day forecast and there's no suggestion that this cold weather will let up anytime soon. Today I let myself daydream for a split second in the middle of an evaluation about it being warm and summery outside and I got to wear shorts and flip-flops all the time.

Here's the thing: I never would be so passionately and excitedly waiting for these things if I hadn't gone through a little "suffering" before-hand. (I put suffering in quotes, because it's not really suffering; nothing compared to the suffering Jesus went through) If I didn't have a 26-year history of single-ness, If the past 3 1/2 months weren't so bitterly cold and dreary, then I would have no true appreciation of the warm weather, the ability to wear flip-flops, the late-night phone conversations and time to spend with someone you can't imagine being apart from for more than a minute.

Even more though, I have hope in Jesus Christ. As I wait for the spring and love, they remind me of waiting for Christ to return in glory and bring a new heaven and a new earth. In reality, the spring will turn to summer, and summer will eventually lead back to a cold winter; the man I can't wait to talk to, may not call, he may never have a second-thought about me after I walked out of his door, BUT Christ WILL return. He will reign in glory and Make ALL THINGS NEW! I may be disappointed by earthly desires, but Jesus Christ will never disappoint.

And, when I remember God's promises, I have hope and am refreshed. So, even if I continue to live in a replay of "Groundhog Day" and even if I am single for the rest of my life, I can still hope. I will still rejoice in the Lord's Promises.

"And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful" Revelations 21:5