I am exhausted... Working in a neuro setting is way tough, not just physically demanding, but mentally as well. And I worked this weekend which meant just 1 day to recoup. Wednesday was an especially tough day, mainly because I am a freakin' girl who can't seem to control her emotions at times. Someone where I work was telling everyone during lunch that he didn't need to worry about him and his girlfriend having kids, because he could just "hit the A-button". I asked him what the "A-button" was, having never heard that phrase before and he replied "Abortion". In an instant I lost my appetite and it was as if someone had slapped me in the face. I felt so much hurt, it wasn't because he said the word abortion, it was the casual manner in which he spoke. Tears came to my eyes and I didn't know whether to punch the guy or burst into tears. I really wanted to do both. So I quietly slipped off to the bathroom and cried there. I felt it personally, having two beautiful nieces that weren't wanted by their dads.
I tried to pull myself together, but I was so upset I was shaking. Why did this have such an effect on me? I still can't figure that part out. Maybe it was because I am friends with this guy, and I feel hurt for him and for his girlfriend. And I feel hurt for the human life that is taken. I returned to the table, trying to act casual, but my stupid face always turns red and stays red when I cry. So this other PT student at the table asked me, in front of everyone, "are you okay?" Nice girl, just doesn't always think first before she speaks. (uh, i sure don't know ANYONE else like that!) So I said I was fine, and I think it was at this moment that the guy saw my face and perhaps realized I was upset about something, because he proceeded to ask me how my morning had gone. Later, when it was just he and I, I told him his comment was very upsetting and I told him why and I apologized for getting upset. And he said he was sorry for saying it and realizes he needs a filter on his mouth. But it took a couple hours before I calmed down all the way. All I wanted to do was go home and cry in bed. But I had to be professional, so I prayed a lot all afternoon. And God, in his goodness, got me through.
I know God made me very empathetic for a reason, but some days I wish I could turn all those feelings off!
In other news, today was Easter and I got up and went to the 6:30AM SONRISE SERVICE. Yep, I sure did say 6:30am. It was pretty good, but I was more out of it than anything. Here's a picture of Lily, the granddaughter of the sweet people I'm staying with. She has latched on to me pretty well since my first day here. Sunday afternoons I have to sneak off without her seeing so that I can get some stuff done and she can take a nap! We are BFF.
